


The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by Gwynplayn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Western, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-04 12:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4136946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynplayn/pseuds/Gwynplayn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epic Western Saga! At least that's the idea. Swanqueen magic of course but hopefully some other good plot points. I will try to make a better summary at some point.</p><p>This is incomplete and I don't know if I ever will go back to writing it so just a warning cause I know it can be frustrating to get into a incomplete work that is never gonna be finished :/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Any strength the sun had not managed to siphon away, the dust had taken for itself. It was everywhere, coating any and all available surface, weaving its’ grit and erosion into every weave of fabric, every inch of the old leather duster that rested loosely across the woman’s shoulders. The dust moved with and around the woman and her horse, grinding itself between ground and hoof with every step the animal took. 

The woman attempted to conjure a bit of saliva in her mouth that was brutally dry, having long ago surrendered to the ever-encroaching dust. When none came she grimaced and spit. A feeble attempt at ridding herself of the dust that coated her lips, mouth, tongue, and now felt as though it was beginning to make the trek down her throat. The look of disgust returned as she thought back to the old timer she’d come across a ways back, assuring her of a short cut that would get her to the town in a days time, rather than the three it would take on the main wagon road. She still wasn’t sure, despite having ample time to consider, whether she’d gotten herself lost, the old man was senile, or he’d simply had a rather cruel sense of humor. The only thing she was sure of was this morning was the fifth time she’d seen the sunrise since leaving his homestead, and if she did not find water soon the sun and dust would win the fight, laying their blanket over her and the horse; reclaiming them both to the plains they stood upon.

The trail was once again winding up a steep hill and the woman dismounted to lead the horse up the narrow path. It was an agonizing pattern in the plains; the miles and miles of flat, silent nothing followed by a large hill or cliff, and always the expectation that what you were searching for was just beyond. This pattern had played itself out endlessly since the woman had left the old timer and as she began this new ascent she tried, with minimal success, not to hope to see anything at the crest of this new hill beyond the same endless prairie. 

The trail, if it could be called that, going up the hill (which in retrospect more closely resembled a sheer cliff) was little more than a slightly worn outcropping. It wound its’ way up in switch backs and sharp angles. The only noise the woman heard was her own breathing, the horse’s, and the dirt and gravel crushing itself under boot and hoof. She only looked down once, about three quarters of the way up, and felt her stomach drop, knowing the slightest error would result in a fall ending with her own death, immediately if she were lucky. A broken leg or back if she was not. With no one looking for her and no one likely to travel this trail it would be a slow, lingering death full of pain. The woman let out a sigh followed by a low whistle when she realized she was holding her breath. She turned her boot back to the trail as the horse snorted loudly and followed close behind. 

She was unsure how long it took to reach the summit, but the sun had dipped behind the cliff by that time and the trail she’d followed was awash in the shadows of late afternoon. She was thankful to have reached the flat respite of the summit. The trail up the cliff had been treacherous in daylight, and would’ve been downright suicidal at night. She let the horse’s reins drop upon the ridge-line and stretched slowly, becoming aware of how tense her body had been during the last few hours climbing the cliff. The woman took back the reins and led the horse across the ridge-line to view the descent to the other side. The downward slope that would take them back to the flat of the prairie was no better then the ascent had been and the woman creased her eyebrows and frowned. She looked up across the prairie, eyes scanning in the dying light, looking, hoping, and willing the town to be there. She thought perhaps she saw something resembling a man made structure far off in the distance but couldn’t be sure and that it wasn’t the long shadows of the afternoon playing tricks on her. 

The horse snorted and the woman followed suit. It wasn’t what she’d hoped for: a clear beacon of a town beckoning her forward. She began to scan the prairie below, searching for a pattern in the cliff face that might be enough to get her and the horse down. It was then she saw tracks on the prairie floor, more than tracks, a road, possibly the main wagon road. The woman supposed it was possible this road wasn’t the one she was looking for, the one that took so many due West, but she was fairly certain it was the same. It was the only road she knew of so wide and well worn. Hell, the only road in this flat wasteland that could justifiably even be called a road. The woman smiled, although to an observer it would have resembled something more like a grimace of desperation and uneasy hope. 

The woman knew she had to make a decision. With the darkness of evening fully settling in and preparing for night she knew it would make the most sense to wait, camp on the summit and descend in the morning. Unfortunately she also knew that it had been almost a whole day in the sweltering sun since her water had run out and she couldn’t see sitting on this ridge twelve hours for daylight to return while she and the horse dried out more. She wrestled with the decision, pulling the wide brimmed Stetson off her head and running a hand through her long, blonde hair before pulling the hat back down on her head, eying what appeared to be a similar switchback trail leading back down to the other side of the prairie below. 

The woman grumbled another curse toward the old man, herself, and the damnable western plains as she began the treacherous descent, her horse following closely behind. Compared to the slow place she’d had to employ to get up the cliff, the pace she was forced to take going down was glacial. Every step had to be checked and rechecked, as she could not depend on her sight alone due to the night, which raced after the fading rays of sun, the woman’s eyes hurrying to readjust. Despite all of this she’d managed to get about halfway down without incident when the trail disappeared and a sheer wall stood in front of her. She could tell that the trail did resume itself, after about a five-foot stretch of sheer rock face. She placed the reins over the horse’s head and began to ease her way out, finding tenuous hand and foot holds. Her already physically drained body searched for strength and energy while her mind worried over how she would get her horse across. It was as her left hand was searching outward, looking for something to grip that she felt the rock holding the weight of her right foot crumble and she was suddenly dangling backwards looking for purchase. If both hands had still been on the rock face it would not have been so bad. Gritting her teeth, she felt every muscle in her right arm strain to bring the weight of her body back to the rock face. She had time to be surprised at just how much her normally formidable strength had been sapped to the point where she was actually losing the battle to gravity. Her right foot was still scrambling against the rock to find purchase when she felt the grip of her right hand suddenly and yet, very slowly, slip away.

The woman’s first sensation as she came to was cold wetness against her cheek and ear, combined with hot breath. She groaned in pain as the world came flooding back and her mind searched to retrace the events that led her to this place. Her mouth was full of dirt but that was not all that different to how it had been for the past several days. The horse’s snout nudged her again and she spit out the dirt as best she could as she rolled over onto her back, a surge of pain ripping through her. The woman swiped her sleeve across her face attempting to rid herself of the dirt that felt as though it was permanently embedded before opening her eyes. The prairie was coated in darkness but her eyes focused on the bright stars and moon above. The western sky at night was clear and brilliant, flowing endlessly outwards with millions of stars winking down. Despite her mixed feelings about the western plains, the breathtaking expanse of stars at night was something that never got old. The woman sighed loudly, the temperature had dropped considerably and she fathomed she’d been knocked out for several hours. Her horse’s head butted her shoulder again. 

“It’s alright,” she said, placing a hand on the horses nose, “I’m not dead yet…. I don’t think.” It was difficult to determine in the dark if the horse had been injured, but it’s usual calm energy suggested it was not in pain.

“How the hell’d you get off that ridge, Shadow? I hope it wasn’t the same way I did,” the woman said as she tried to sit up and take a deep breath. 

Immediately the pain intensified, “Uhhhh, that feels like a broken rib, or two.” 

She looked down at her legs with trepidation. She could tell one of the main sources of pain was coming from her right leg and she was scared it was broken. She saw the rip in her jeans and pulled it back noticing the jeans were fairly wet with what she only could imagine was blood. She could make out from the night sky that there was a large gash running down the side of her lower leg. She concentrated on wiggling her toes and the muscles in her right leg burned with pain. However, she did not think, by some extraordinary twist of fate that she’d broken anything. There was one way to find out and that was to get up. She used her left leg almost completely to stand, and when she tentatively put weight on her right a searing pain ripped through her causing her body to automatically attempt to breath deeply which in turn caused her broken ribs to cry out and she doubled over grabbing for Shadow. Were it not for the horse she would’ve fallen to the ground, but the dutiful mare was right beside her and held her weight while the wave of pain crashed over and receded back. 

“I hope you’re not injured girl, because your back is the only way I’m getting out of here,” the woman whispered to the horse as she tentatively put weight all down the horses neck and back. Shadow did not falter, and appeared to be her same, sturdy self. 

“Here we go Shadow,” the woman said as she put her hands on the saddle and began to pull herself over the horse without the use of her leg. Her body was a songbook of pain and her voice echoed over the silent plains as a scream of anguish tore from her throat. She managed to pull her body over the back of the horse and lay over the horse’s back attempting to get her breath back. The horse remained a rock below her, and the woman was thankful the animal knew her so well and could seem to understand the situation. Finally her left foot found the stirrup and she was able to put weight on that leg to swing her useless right leg over to the other side and sit up. Once righted in the saddle she clicked gently at the horse, which was all it took for the horse to begin to walk forward. 

The woman was thankful for the clear night sky and large moon. With her eyes adjusted to the night it did not take long to make out the wagon road and rejoin its’ easy tread. The woman and her horse found a slow and steady rhythm. She let out a sigh knowing Shadow would follow the road on her own without the woman’s help if need be. The woman had already been exhausted and the pain had drained her thoroughly. She managed to think to herself that nodding off as the horse took her down the road was not out of the ordinary as she lost consciousness and fell forward across the horse’s sturdy back.


	2. Chapter 2

The deputy pulled his derby down to cover the top part of his head and eyes to block out the scorching noonday sun. He propped his feet up on the rail of the porch that belonged to the Sheriff’s Department, essentially a one room shack that had two small jail cells. These cells were usually used to house drunks, brawlers, and the occasional high stakes outlaw. This past week things had been, as the deputy liked them most, slow and peaceful. 

The deputy’s eyes began to slip down as his breathing evened out. As he began to doze off the lawman hoped for an afternoon that would follow the same peaceful pattern of the past week. He couldn’t imagine anyone managing to do much of anything in this heat let alone get into a fist fight or some other mess the law would need to intervene in, but then he also knew he’d been proven wrong on that account more times than he cared to remember. The torturous, relentless heat had a way of making people angry, and the whiskey flowing forth from the saloon right down the road didn’t usually help. Still, one could hope. 

“David! Deputy! Deputy David!” a yell tore through the man’s nap and he was on his feet before his eyes were completely open. 

“Leroy, what the hell…” he began quickly as he saw the short stumpy man before him. Before David could finish his sentence his eyes refocused to further down the main drag leading through town at a body slumped over a gorgeous jet-black horse. A horse the likes of which David had never seen, and only ever heard of being bred in the northeast of the country, a thousand miles from where he had always lived. A horse so black that were it in shadows one would not even see the animal. The horse itself looked as though it too might shortly succumb to the heat. David tore down the steps pushing past the short man with a grunt as he trotted over to the horse and rider. The rider was face down on the horse’s back as the lawman cautiously approached, putting his hand out to the horse that hesitated and then put its nose into his hand. David gently shook the riders shoulder, “hey, hey…” and when there was no response he began to push back the brim of the wide rimmed cowboy hat. As he did a tumble of long blond hair fell out before the rider began to slide off the horse. The deputy managed to grab underneath the woman’s arms so only her lower body hit the ground hard in spite of his surprise. He then lowered what he quickly determined was a strikingly gorgeous and still breathing woman, the rest of the way to the ground. 

“It’s a woman,” he heard someone whisper in the small crowd that had now gathered. 

“Someone get Whale,” David barked out at the crowd and they seemed to scramble.

The woman’s first sensation was softness beneath her, followed by the smell of rosewater, which made no sense whatsoever. The last thing she remembered was using her remaining strength to pull herself across Shadow’s back and set out on the wagon road. Her eyes flew open quickly, daring to hope Shadow had made it somewhere and this was not some dream or hallucination fueled by dehydration. As her eyes focused she saw that she was in a room, a woman’s room no doubt. She had seen rooms like this before, usually in saloons. Judging by the dresses draped over various pieces of furniture, the woman who lived in this room likely made her way in the world by entertaining. She began to try to sit up and her injuries quickly reminded her of how she’d gotten here and that she was most definitely still alive. There was no way being dead could hurt this bad. Her loud growl of pain turned into a whimper as she attempted to slide herself back down on the bed. 

The door opened then, and a tall slender woman with long chestnut hair entered the room smiling, “And I thought I was tough! Darlin’ I think you got me beat. Whale wasn’t sure you’d come back to us.”

The woman’s brow furrowed as she croaked out, “What the hell would a whale know?”

The tall woman laughed, “That’s the name of the doctor in town, if you can call him that,” the woman stated as she crossed the room and poured a glass of water, “Not that he’s had any formal training that I know of, but he’s the closest thing this town’s got. I’ll need to go fetch him so he can have a look at you now that you’re awake. Here’s a glass of water but sip it slow so your body has time to catch up. You’re in the town saloon; I run it with my grandma. My name is Ruby.”

“Shadow! The horse I was on, is she…” the woman eyes were suddenly wide and tentative.

“Fine, fine, recuperating well in the town stable. Leroy will take good care of her. Where’d you ever find a horse like that?”

The woman sipped slowly from the glass Ruby brought to her, amazed that despite the odds she once again had water on her tongue, effectively ignoring the woman’s question. 

“Ruby, I thank you and yours. It isn’t every town that a dying stranger would be nursed back to life. I will not forget such a kindness.”

The tall woman nodded as she reached down and took the glass, setting it down on the bedside table before turning back with a bright smile, “Welcome to Storybrooke.”


	3. Chapter 3

The doctor did not generate an overwhelming amount of confidence and the woman felt sorry that the town depended on this man for medical assistance. As he poked and prodded, she wondered if the townsfolk were aware of the Apache tribe northwest of their town, wishing it were Gouyen, their healer, who was nursing her back to health. Gouyen had shown her so much about the natural remedies that grow on the prairie, not to mention being quite adept at setting a bone. 

“Damn!” the woman grumbled as the doctor poked a particularly tender spot on her leg. The cut, or gash rather, had been quite large, about seven inches, however the woman had to admit the doctor had done a nice job stitching it up and it appeared to be healing well. Ruby stood on the other side of the room watching carefully. 

“I apologize Ms…” when the woman only stared back at the doctor he shifted uncomfortably and finally continued, leaning back over to examine her abdomen, “the job you did on your leg was significant but it appears to be mending well. The broken rib however will take longer. I would say bed rest for four to six weeks. It appears to be only one that’s actually broken; the other two on that side are probably just bruised. Whatever happened to you it could have been much worse ma’am. I suggest being more careful. Perhaps a woman should consider such things before venturing out alone….” Before the doctor could finish he found his shirt wrapped around the woman’s fist so quickly and forcefully that the man almost lost his footing. His face had been pulled blindingly close to her own. She exhaled slowly, counting back from five while she rode out the pain that had ripped through her ribcage at the sudden movement. 

“Do you have some pain killers doctor, or simply more commentary on how you think women should and should not spend their time?” She rasped out tugging him still closer by his shirt.

“Ms….er I simply meant…” but the woman did not let the doctor finish, “pain killers doctor, you’ve done all you can for me, and beyond something to ease the pain I need you no longer.” The doctor huffed and the woman let go of his shirt. He pulled back up and walked to his bag where he removed an amber bottle that he then handed to Ruby who was looking thoroughly amused by the entire altercation. “A spoonful every six hours as needed, no more than that, it is heavily sedating.” The man handed the bottle to Ruby and turned back to face the woman lying in bed with her teeth clenched in pain. 

“If you need anything more Ruby can fetch me, I expect once you are up and walking you can settle your debt with me before you leave town,” and with that he briskly walked out of the room. 

Ruby let out a small laugh as she found a spoon and brought it to the woman with the bottle. The woman ignored the spoon and took a long draw straight from the bottle, before looking back to the woman above her. “You’ve been far too kind Ruby, I will get myself out of your bed and on my way,” the woman stated pulling back the covers. She began to move herself out of the bed before falling back and yelping in pain. 

“I don’t think you are going anywhere darlin’. Not for a while at least. Don’t worry, there are plenty of spare bedrooms.” Ruby stated, glancing at the woman who was in nothing but an undershirt and underpants; the woman was pure muscle, it was defined across every inch of her body. Ruby had seen plenty of women in various states of undress (it sort of came with the territory) but none she’d seen so closely resembled what she associated with a masculine physique. She found it somewhat distracting. 

“I will repay the debt, whatever it is, I do hope you have not lost any…business because of me,” the woman stated, carefully watching Ruby’s face.

“I’m no whore if that’s what you mean,” Ruby stated, not taking offense, “My grandmother and I run this saloon, and we do have a couple girls working here that’ll lay down with you if you pay them, but I am an entertainer only. I play piano, dance, sing, and tend the bar as well of course.” 

The woman had never been to a town where the saloon had been run by women and not men, but she could not see how this could be a bad thing. She looked back up at Ruby and nodded in understanding. Ruby took the medicine bottle and crossed back to her dressing table where she set it down, apparently not trusting the woman not to abuse the medication. 

“If you’re going to be laying in my bed for the next month you think you could at least tell me your name?” Ruby asked the woman before her.

“It won’t be a month, I will only need a few more days.”

“Mmhmm,” Ruby murmured not sounding totally convinced, ‘and your name?”

“M,” the woman stated as her eyes began to shut, the medicine taking effect. 

“M? Just M? That’s not a name darlin’ that’s a letter. You got a last name?” Ruby asked watching the woman’s eyes close.

“Just M” the woman slurred as she nodded off.

Ruby had been right in assuming M would be there more than a few days but she did insist after a few days on, Ruby having her own bedroom back and properly renting one of the rooms in the saloon. With Ruby’s help she dragged herself the twenty or so feet to the room next to Ruby’s through sheer determination. M had been right though that she would be up before a month, and after about a week she was walking around the saloon. M met Ruby’s grandmother who went by Granny to everyone, as well as few of the other townsfolk, some of whom she guessed weren’t normally in the saloon but had come to see the stranger being nursed back to health. The deputy had come by once to inquire and after hearing about the man’s assistance she had gritted her teeth and thanked him. M was not always on the side of the law, but she had to admit the deputy seemed like one of the good ones. 

On the sixth day she was able to slowly get over to the stable and check on Shadow. The horse bowed her head upon seeing the woman and M lay her forehead against the horses head briefly and whispered, “enjoy the rest Shadow, it won’t last.” The horse had sighed in understanding. M also managed to get around to the doctor and settle up. Between room and board at the saloon, settling up with the stable, and the doctor, the woman’s moderate reserves were being rapidly depleted. But the woman had made it to Storybrooke and she knew as long as she could heal quickly enough there was good money to be made in right outside of this very town. Money that she needed now even more than before. She had confirmed with Ruby that indeed Storybrooke Ranch was gearing up for their long cattle drive north to Abilene, and indeed they were always looking for skilled cowboys to get the stock safely there. M knew by Ruby’s look alone she’d never heard of a woman riding range, but that was nothing new to M, nor was her ability to quickly prove her skill that she would be a welcome addition to any cattle drive, so long as the injury did not get in the way.

M was sitting at the bar on Saturday evening as Ruby began to warm up at the piano, and the other women who worked at the saloon began to make their rounds to the various tables. Granny was behind the bar cleaning glasses and eyeing the growing crowd. Saturday night was the busiest night for the saloon and there was money to be made and fun to be had by all so long as no fight broke out. It was the same as any town in the west on a Saturday night, and M had seen many of them. She slung back her whiskey and waited for Granny to make her way down the bar to refill the glass. 

The night was in full swing at the saloon and M had been at the bar for a few hours mostly watching the people who came and went. A few of them had been brave enough to come and try to chat her up but after a few minutes most usually gave up preferring a two sided rather than one sided conversation. M did not see the purpose in idle chat with most people, nor did it hold any interest to her. It was not that she looked down upon people who engaged in these social norms, far from it, she simply did not care for it, and did not feel a need to pretend that she did so that people could feel more comfortable. She much preferred listening to Ruby sing and play the piano. The woman was talented and her voice was full and light at the same time. 

As far as small western towns went, and M had seen more than her fair share, this one appeared to be more peaceful than most, the air almost seemed lighter and people overall seemed happy. M had been to towns that did not go more than a day with out a gunfight, more than a few hours without a brawl. She had been in this town a week now and had yet to see or hear of any violence. The deputy, David, who was sitting at a table looking doe-eyed at a young woman with short brown hair seemed content to not be needed for the violence and blood-shed that many parts of the west were so well known for. It then occurred to M that she had seen the young deputy several times but had yet to see or hear of who was actually the appointed Sheriff of the town. She was about to inquire with Granny who was working her way back down the bar when she heard the swinging doors of the saloon bang so loud they could be heard over the lively conversations and Ruby. M turned, the one side of her mouth already turned downward, with the other side following behind, wondering just who felt they needed to try to bang Granny’s saloon doors off their hinges to make an entrance. The women of this saloon had been quite good to her, better than she was use to, and M knew despite her best efforts, she’d already felt the familiar weight of caring thrown over her neck that she tried so hard to avoid. 

“Guess their back from the range. There goes our peaceful night,” M heard Granny say behind her as she looked on at the three men who’d entered the saloon. 

The crowd had quieted significantly and Ruby seemed to be singing a bit more timidly. The deputy had straightened his back and was beginning to stand, looking towards the men. 

“You boys are welcome, but lets have a good night, none of the ruckus you caused last time, understood,” the deputy said across the room.

The man in the middle, slightly taller than the other two with black hair and a thin mustache stepped forward with a crocodile smile on his lips, “Why deputy, we’re only here to have a drink and enjoy the entertainment. The Mills family always respects the law. You and the Sheriff have nothing to be concerned about,” then the man looked around feigning surprise, “Or is it just you here tonight? Where is Sheriff Graham, I thought he would’ve been back by now.” 

“The Sheriff is still out on the prairie negotiating with the Apache, he’ll be back soon, he’s just a few days later than he planned. You’re concern is dually noted, Killian,” Deputy David said through gritted teeth. 

“Of course, David, I do hope he hurries back, wouldn’t want word to get out that there was only one lowly deputy against the whole wild west here in Storybrooke,” Killian, the middle man managed to make a grin look like a threat. 

“You boys come here for a pissing contest or did you come to drink?” M heard Granny bark loudly from behind her, interrupting the tension, “Ruby did someone tell you to stop playing girl?”

The music started again and the conversations came back. The deputy sat back down as the three men sauntered over to a table. One of them, the one with the most decent look of the three came to the bar a few stools down from M and she heard him order a bottle of whiskey. Granny provided him with the bottle and three glasses.

“Thanks Granny,” he said

“You’re welcome Neal, try to keep those brothers of yours in line tonight. Replacing tables and chairs gets expensive.” 

“They don’t mean no harm Granny, honest.” Neal smiled feebly

“No son, you don’t mean any harm, your brothers I’m not so sure. You think too good of them if you’re askin’ me, but I reckon there’s nothin’ to be done about that, brothers are brothers and they tend to stick together. How’s the herd look?” Granny asked.

“Real good Granny, we’ve brought them in close to the ranch now. They’re fat and healthy and we’ve lost hardly any to predators. So long as the drive north goes all right we should have a very nice yield for the year. Dad’s real pleased.” Neal smiled easily now, and seemed to be much more comfortable with the change in subject matter.

“Well glad to here it son, the ranch does well then so does the town, enjoy your night off.” Granny stated with less of an edge to her voice and then made her way down to M, refilling her glass. 

“Those the Mills that run Storybrooke Ranch?” M asked Granny quietly.

“The heirs, yes, but it is their father, Leo Mills who is in charge. Those are his three sons, Robin, Killian, and Neal.” Granny looked over at the table where the brothers were beginning to drink. 

M had heard plenty about the cattle baron, Leo Mills, and his massive operation, it being the main reason for her presence in the town. She’d heard less then savory things about the man, and if his sons were any indication those rumors were probably not far off the mark. But she also knew from many accounts that the man paid well to talented cowboys who could get his prized stock to Abilene in tact. M knew very well she could do that for the man. She also knew if she ended up sticking around the bar those boys would end up doing something she couldn’t stand by and watch and if she ended up giving one of them a good thrashing or worse she would be out of the job before she’d even had a chance to apply. She finished up her drink and laid some coin on the bar and turned to go up the stairs to her room. She winced getting up from the stool, her body still not taking kindly to being moved about very much and she hoped that she would be healed enough to get out to the ranch and get on the crew before they headed out. As she made her way towards the stairs she heard a familiar voice behind her tease, “The stranger who’s been listening to me all night is going to head out without buying the gorgeous entertainer one drink?”

M turned and looked at the girl smiling softly at her, a sheen of sweat at her hairline and red adorning her cheeks. Ruby looked stunning tonight, with her hair piled up on top of her head and soft curls falling around her face. The woman was in a long red dress with white lace edging that fit her so tight M wondered how the woman managed to breath. It was hard for M to pretend that she did not care for the young woman, and harder still for M to understand how this woman had managed to remain kind, open, and caring in a place that normally beat those traits out of you by the time you’re ten. 

“Never would of guessed the gorgeous entertainer would like to share a drink with a cripple that can just barely make it up a flight of stairs without some help,” M smiled.

Ruby moved closer putting a hand on M’s arm, “You’re hardly a cripple, and you heal faster than anyone I’ve ever seen. Buy me a drink and then I’ll let you hobble away.” 

M nodded lightly and walked with the woman back to the bar, “Granny it looks like I’ll be having one more, and one for the lovely singer, your good stuff, I know you must have some back there somewhere.”

Granny pulled a dusty bottle out from under the counter and came over. M knew she couldn’t afford the rot gut whiskey let alone a reserve, but these women, Ruby especially, had been very good to her and she wanted to let them know, in a way that avoided having to use a bunch of words, that it was appreciated. “Pour yourself one too Granny.”

The old woman nodded, “and thank yeh’, M.”

“Old woman, c’mon, you should know better at your age than to make a man wait for whiskey,” M felt her whole body stiffen at the statement that came barreling down the bar at them, and felt her broken rib respond in kind. 

Granny, never one to be intimidated shouted back down the bar, “At my age, Robin, I know better than to give a damn about some impatient boy pretending he can hold his liquor.” 

M eyed the third brother and knew Granny was right; the man was slouched against the counter, eyelids low and a sloppy smirk across his face. The brothers hadn’t been at the bar more than ten minutes and M wondered if they had been drinking on their way or if the man was truly that much of a lightweight. 

“Ruby,” Robin slurred out as he heaved himself off the bar and half walked, half slid down towards the three of them, “You look delicious. Have a drink with me.” 

“I already have someone to drink with Robin. Go back to your brothers,” Ruby said curtly.

M cursed herself for returning to drink with the woman, the inevitable now coming towards them, face reddened and looking offended. He slid up right behind Ruby and eyed M up and down before slobbering into Ruby’s ear, “C’mon girl, I’m sure you’d prefer the company of a man over some strange woman playing cowboy dress up.” He stated as he placed a hand on Ruby’s bare upper arm. 

“Take your hand off my arm Robin, and go sit back down.” Ruby growled through her teeth.

The man began to tighten his grip on Ruby’s arm, “Girl if you don’t…” but the man did not finish as a boot whirred out and hit him in the weak point of the ankle he was resting most of his weight on. Suddenly his feet were no longer beneath him and he was hitting the floor with a loud thunk. Robin wheezed, his breath taken from his lungs on impact.

M settled her boot back down on the bar stool and turned back to her whiskey, stating in a low voice, “The woman said no.”

Two pairs of cowboy boots were heard scrambling across the floor as the brother’s reached Robin, “What happened Rob?” Neal asked as they helped the man to his feet as he was regaining his breath. 

M knew it had been so fast that no one except herself, Ruby, and Robin knew what had happened. Now it would be up to the man whether he chose to fight or save face. He stared at M who met his watery gaze with hard green eyes that blazed like dragon scales. She relaxed back into the stool and rested her forearm on the grip of her 45 that rested in its’ low-slung holster, eyes still holding the man’s gaze.

“Nothin’! Lost my footin’ is all, dammit,” Robin said turning and plowing through his brothers knocking them to either side. Neal turned to follow immediately but Killian lingered, looking back and forth between Ruby and M suspiciously. Finally he tipped his hat, “Ruby” he said and walked back to the table.

After they’d left Ruby turned back to M, the color high in her cheeks, “Thanks.”

M grunted and finished the whiskey, “Will you be alright? I can stay if you’d like…”

Ruby smiled and shook her head, “I’ve managed 22 years to stay alive before you came to my rescue darlin’, Granny and I will be fine. Besides, you need your rest. You could take down one, but I think you’ve got a little more mendin’ to do before you can go up against the three of them.”

M nodded and stood up, glancing over to where the three brothers sat, Robin glaring at her openly. She sighed as she turned to head up to her room. Hopefully the man was drunk enough that he wouldn’t remember the altercation the next day, or the job she was betting on might now be out of her reach. “You know where I’m at if you need me,” she said to Ruby before turning to brave the staircase.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK we've waited long enough...here she is in (hopefully you'll agree) all her glory. You know who I'm talking about ;)

Damn it felt good to be on a horse again. Shadow had been getting, compared to what the horse was use to, the royal treatment in the stable for the last few weeks and it showed. Her coat glistened a furious coal black in the sun and pent up energy rippled through her strong legs and back. She stamped the ground impatiently and M knew the horse had probably been getting bored for a while and was ready to work. M felt the restlessness in her own muscles and despite the tenderness of her ribcage, her leg was almost completely healed and she knew if she stayed another day in the saloon it wouldn’t matter if her body was working right or not because she’d probably lose her mind. She was able to breath deeper everyday without coughing and when she threw herself up on Shadow’s back she hardly winced at all. M knew that her body could use another week of good rest in an actual bed but she’d also heard from Granny that Storybrooke ranch would be starting the long drive to take their cattle to market in less than a week and she was cutting it close enough. Leo Mills would be cautious to let someone come on his team so soon to them starting off. Typically the team was hired a good three to four weeks out so they could get to know the herd and each other, learn how to work together, make sure everyone knew what each whistle and hand signal meant. M knew that not only did she have the shortness of time going against her, but also if Robin remembered her from the night at the saloon she’d have that going against her as well. It was time to get out to the ranch. 

“Leroy, appreciate you takin’ care of my horse,” M said as she threw a small bag with the rest of her coin to the man.

Leroy looked in the small pouch and smiled, “Anytime M, but you’ve been too generous. I told you I only charge 5 a day, not 10. This is more than you owe.”

“Anyone ever talked to you about how to run a business, man? I’m paying you what I feel you owe. Keep it.” M said as she pulled her golden hair up and put it in her Stetson. M knew that with the way she dressed and her hair up, she would now look more like a man than a woman, especially from a distance. The woman considered it her camouflage, a first line of defense against the various nefarious sorts that ran wild on the prairie, not to mention she’d always felt more comfortable in what most considered “men’s clothes.” With a nod towards Leroy she put her heel into Shadow, and the horse took off with barely a touch, heading the way Granny had pointed to get to the ranch. She knew she was at a speed a bit too fast as she neared the turn around the schoolhouse that would put her on the outskirts of the town, but it sure felt good to ride hard again. 

As soon as she rounded the corner she found herself face to face or rather horse to horse with a carriage being led by two horses. She was coming in too fast and the carriage was going at a good clip as well. M had just enough time to steer Shadow off to the side and avoid a direct collision, but the horses clipped to the carriage reared up in fear anyways, and as if watching in slow motion, M watched out of the corner of her eye as the reins slipped from the driver’s hands. As soon as the horses’ front hooves hit the ground again they took off, the carriage careening out of control down the main drag of town. 

“Idiot,” M swore at herself before turning Shadow on a dime and tearing off after the carriage at a full run. 

The carriage tore through town, people diving out of its path. It passed through the small town quickly, the horses galloping down the wide wagon road that M had come in on. All of the sudden the horses, wild with fear, veered off the main road into the desert onto what was little more than a footpath. M immediately followed behind, the rough path now bouncing the carriage wildly from side to side. Shadow had caught up to the carriage and M steered the horse out to get beside the carriage as she began to make her way towards the front and the driver. She saw the reins hanging down off the left horse where she knew the rider could not reach. Not that the man was really trying M noticed as she got side by side to him. He appeared to be frozen in fear and holding onto the seat with all his strength. M began to lean down on Shadow’s side towards the reins, which were now no more than a few feet away. M began to inch her way closer when she heard a woman’s voice, presumably coming from the carriage yell, “Lookout!”

She had just enough time to see the small boulder in Shadow’s path and swing back up on the horse firming her grip as Shadow took the boulder in a mighty jump. After they’d cleared the boulder she began to inch back to the reins, gritting her teeth and planning to thank whomever it was in that carriage that’d managed to warn her when the useless driver had sat there ready to watch things go from bad to worse. M was close, only another six or seven inches and she’d have the reins, but she needed a little more. If it hadn’t been Shadow it would’ve never worked, but the horse and her seemed to know what the other was thinking and as she stood up on the horse and pulled her left leg over so both legs were now on the right side closest to the carriage the horse continued to run without hesitation. M slid her left hand under the saddle and laced it under the horse’s girdle. She could already feel the saddle slipping a bit as all her weight was now on one side and knew she didn’t have long. With her left arm holding the horses girdle she reached out again and this time it was enough. She caught the reins with her fingers and once she got her fist around them she pulled back hard, “WHOAAAHHHHH. WHOAAAAAAAHHH,” she yelled. 

The horses were winded already and they immediately began to slow down feeling the weight of the reins against their mouths again. She held tight and the horses were almost to a full stop when she realized that her own saddle was suddenly sliding much quicker and in a second she’d be under her horse if her leg and hand were still attached. Shadow was now barely at a walk but she did her best not to get under any horse. 

“HEY,” she yelled at the driver, “CATCH!”

Making sure the driver made eye contact she tossed the reins to him holding her breath and low and behold the man managed to catch them, just as M attempted to pull her boot from the stirrup. Instead, she seemed to tangle herself more and ended up hitting the ground half under her horse. Shadow stopped at once, and M mouthed a word of thanks to the intelligent animal. She began to untangle herself from the stirrup, suddenly becoming aware of just how badly her ribcage was screaming at her, and wondering if she’d managed to land on a cactus when the same strong voice that had warned her before shot out from behind her, “It will never cease to amaze me what you idiot hotshot cowboys think is a good idea! Someone could have gotten hurt or killed because of your stupidity!”

M groaned as she finished freeing herself from the stirrup and rolled out from underneath her horse. As she stood up her Stetson fell the rest of the way off her head. She bent down to pick up her hat and as she came back up she flipped her hair back out of her face as she turned around preparing to offer an apology. 

And it wasn’t that M didn’t want to apologize, she very much did. She was never great with words or speeches but an apology was absolutely her plan. Yet not a word came out, and her mind went blank as she found herself staring into the warmest, richest dark brown eyes she’d ever come across. The word M thought to describe them in her head (surprising herself at where she’d pulled out this poetic vocabulary) was chocolate, but they were more than that. Chocolate with golden honey swirled throughout. She licked her lips and the familiar taste of dust brought her back to reality a bit. The woman who stood before her was breathtaking. Her long dark hair flowed over her shoulders and blended well with the rich olive tone of her skin. Her full lips were a rich burgundy and M noticed with interest that the woman seemed perhaps a bit taken by her own view. M dismissed the look in the woman’s eyes for simple shock upon realizing M was a woman and not a man. 

“My apologies, Ma’am,” M stated and she meant to simply cast her eyes to the ground and yet she found her eyes not listening to her brain as they traveled down the woman’s body. The woman was in a Victorian style bustle dress that was a brilliant red, trimmed with a rich chestnut colored lace that further brought out the woman’s beautiful eyes and skin tone. The dress of course was a custom fit, and it showed, hugging the woman closely, showing off the curve of her hips and chest. Suddenly, M realized the woman was determinedly closing the distance between them, hips swaying like there was music playing that only she could hear. She got so close that M could smell her and feel her breath against her face. The woman smelled like everything good in this world, like honey and cinnamon and was that apples? The woman smelled like a woman, and once again M found herself wondering how anyone managed to think a man could be more enticing, more mesmerizing, than a woman. 

Suddenly there was a finger poking her chest, “You apologize? What were you thinking? You thought it would be cute to play cowboy? Idiot, you could have killed someone.” The woman went to poke M again and was stopped lightning fast as a strong hand gripped her wrist. She heard the woman gasp in surprise.

“Alright I get it, and I already apologized lady, I don’t even expect a thank you for saving you’re life, but I do expect you to stop poking me in the chest.” M stated plainly before letting go of the woman’s wrist. The woman continued to hold her arm up, mid-poke before dropping it down to her side and closing her mouth, which had been half open listening to M speak. M moved past the woman, quickly pulling her hair up and under her hat before fitting the Stetson back down on her head. She then began to re-affix Shadow’s saddle, blanket, and girdle properly. “Oh and you might consider getting a driver that doesn’t freeze in a crisis”

“Now just wait a second…” M heard the driver speak for the first time before quickly being cut-off by the woman.

“Sydney go and check the horses, make sure they aren’t injured. And you, you expect a thank you? The only reason I found myself in an out of control carriage is because of you, so I’m not going to thank you for doing what was a basic responsibility for getting me and my driver into this predicament.” The woman huffed loudly. 

M finished readjusting her saddle and turned back to the woman having trouble not allowing a small smile to come across her face. M always found herself unable to not like a strong, brave woman who said exactly what she felt whether it was directed towards her or anyone else

“I just said I didn’t expect one didn’t I? All that bouncing in that carriage mess with your hearing a bit?” M saw the woman’s hand dart out to slap her and although she could have stopped her, she found herself strangely rationalizing that if a slap was a way to get this woman to touch her, she’d gladly take it. She felt the woman’s hand connect with her cheek but it felt far away because the woman had stepped forward to slap her and once again their bodies were close to touching. 

“Feel better?” M’s voice rumbled soft and deep from her chest, her head still turned to the right a bit from the slap.

“A little,” the woman breathed.

“Anything else I can do?” M said as she turned her face back to meet the woman’s astonishing eyes again and suddenly finding her cheek now cupped in the same hand that had just slapped her. 

The woman quickly withdrew her lingering traitor of a hand with a sharp intake of breath, pulling it away from M’s cheek quickly. The woman opened her mouth to say something again but before she could they heard a raspy voice yell, “Help,” from far off to the left of them. Before she realized what she was doing M had turned and was putting herself between the woman and the voice and pulling her gun. She stepped around Shadow and felt the woman close behind her.

“Stay here,” she growled to the woman.

She heard the woman scoff as she stepped up next to M, “Woman,” she said, the word laced with disdain, “if you keep playing noble cowboy someone might expect you to be one someday.” 

M watched the woman march right past her. She found herself smiling again, finding the woman’s abruptness and seeming lack of concern for the expensive garments which adorned her as she stepped confidently through the tundra intriguing to say the least. M caught up with the woman as they made their way closer to what was now nothing more than a groaning whimper. M kept expecting to have to lend a hand to the woman who was surely out of her element and most likely in footwear not meant for hiking through the wild prairie, but she never did. The woman’s confident, spry steps across the uneven terrain quickly made it clear to M that this woman was no stranger to this rugged land, in all honesty, she appeared to be quite in her element. 

Side by side they approached the man who had passed sunburned about a day ago by M’s guess and was now in the throws of sun poisoning. The man had blood on his face, his clothes were ripped, and on the skin showing through his ripped clothes M could see bruises. Taking another wary glance around, M holstered her gun seeing no threat. That combined with Shadow’s calm energy suggested to M that whatever or more likely, whoever was responsible for the man’s current state had long ago moved along.

“Sheriff Graham!” M heard the woman say before running to kneel at the man’s side. “Sydney! Bring water quickly!” The woman hurled her powerful voice back to her driver who had been trailing behind them. 

M saw the star on the man’s vest and heard the man croak out, “Ms. Mills, what are you doing out here?” 

M rolled her eyes when she heard the name, and pressed her fingers to the middle of her forehead. Undoubtedly the three brothers had at least one sister and M had managed to make another of the Mills clan unhappy to say the least. She was never getting this job. As Sydney brought the water skin and the Mills woman took it to quickly begin splashing a bit of water on the Sheriff’s lips, M contemplated again how close she had come to this fate. No one would have found the Sheriff if it were not for this random turn of events. M was turning over what could have happened to put the town’s sheriff in this predicament between wondering how the woman before her was managing to become ever more beautiful in each passing moment. The woman was still kneeling in the dirt, no thought to the gorgeous dress that was now covered in dust M noticed admirably. A sheen of sweat was now causing her olive skin to glisten in the sun and a lock of the woman’s luminous brown hair kept falling in her face to which the woman incessantly pushed it back behind her ear each time. The woman had so mesmerized M that she hardly noticed the beating of hooves behind her until they were almost upon them, something most out of character for M who could tell people were near by the vibrations in the earth before even hearing or seeing them. M spun on her heels, pulling and cocking her 45 in one fluid motion.

“Whoa M it’s just me, I heard Mrs. Mills carriage lost control and I…..Sheriff!” M holstered her gun again as the deputy flew off the horse and went to the groaning man’s side.

“We finally got control of the carriage right over there when we heard someone yelling for help. We need to get him back to the doctor. We can put him in my carriage if you and Sydney can get him over there,” the woman informed the deputy.

M was considering commenting on the woman’s liberal use of the word we in how control of the horses and carriage was obtained but let it slide. The deputy spoke while he picked up the sheriff under the man’s shoulders while Sydney got his feet. 

“M I assume I’ve got you to thank for saving Mrs. Mills and Sydney here? If something had happened to Leo Mill’s wife this town would have bled, me first of all.” 

M could only nod and grunt in response, her head swimming as awareness dawned on her. This was not the cattle baron’s daughter but his wife? She was obviously closer in age to the man’s sons than the man himself. A second wife then, M pondered looking at the woman who once again let her opinion be known, “That is still an option Deputy if you continue to speak about me as if I were not here.” 

Then she turned her eyes back on M who met her stare, who, if she was being honest with herself, was finding it increasingly difficult to look away from the woman. David blushed and lowered his eyes murmuring, “Of course ma’am” as he and Sydney continued to struggle to bring the Sheriff to the carriage. M went to lift the sheriff from the middle to help the two men struggling, “M we’ve got it, the doctor would be none too happy if he knew about your exploits this afternoon. Ain’t no way that rib of yours has mended itself and if you re-injure it there’s no way you’ll get on Mr. Mills cattle drive.”

M stared at the idiot of a man simultaneously wondering how David had come to know so much about her when she surely had not told him as much, and the lack of awareness to blurt them all out for the world to hear. “Dammit, Ruby” she thought. Ruby and Mary Margaret, the teacher who David was enamored by were close friends and it wasn’t as though she had sworn Ruby to secrecy when she told her that the reasons she came to the town was to get hired on at the ranch but the idiot deputy sure picked a fine time to bring that all up. M held her breath awaiting the sharp comment from the woman beside her that was sure to come. However the woman surprised her again.

“I’ve never known my husband to hire a woman onto the cattle drive, but I don’t know how may women he has come across that can ride like you.” The woman looked at her with what was as close to a smile as M had yet seen on her face. 

Mrs. Mills smile quickly turned devious, “Course it won’t matter one lick if he knows how you put me in danger with your recklessness.”

M braved a sheepish smile at the woman, an expression that rarely adorned her face, and attempted a strength of hers that was less often used in this part of the country: charm, “Well maybe he won’t find out, better yet maybe he’ll just hear the part about when the noble cowboy, err girl, saved his dear wife?”

Mrs. Mills raised an eyebrow and a playful smile danced on her lips as she scoffed, “You always ask favors of the people you endanger, Mmmm,” she said M’s name and then let it linger, turning it into a hum.

“What kind of a name is M anyways? That’s a letter. Or is it e m, short for something like Emmanuel, or…Emma?”

M winced before she regained her composure, hoping it had not been noticed, but assuming this sharp woman had most likely seen it as she heard her name called from, out of anyone’s lips, this woman’s. It had been a long time since she’d heard her name, and she’d not allow herself to desire hearing it come out of this woman’s mouth again.

“Just M,” she stated gruffly, breaking their eye contact as they came up on the carriage. 

“Suit yourself, I guess you’ll find out what version of the story I choose to tell my husband if you’ve got the guts to show up at his ranch.” The woman beckoned as she climbed into the carriage. The men put the Sheriff into the carriage. M climbed back on Shadow and followed the group back to town pondering the Mill’s woman’s choice of words, his ranch, not ours.


	5. Chapter 5

It had not seemed right to simply leave and head to the ranch after dropping Sheriff Graham off at the doctor, especially when the lady of the ranch was staying to act as nurse. David looked rather distraught and M found she was doing her best to comfort the sensitive deputy and reassure him, while finding herself fascinated by the hard, sharp Mills woman who, without pretense, rolled up her sleeves to aid the doctor. Mrs. Mills (M really wanted to know her first name but did not feel it was appropriate to ask) stayed long enough to help the doctor get the sheriff out of the ragged clothes he was wearing, clean, and dress his wounds. Following this, she swept by M and the deputy with hardly a glance in their direction. Despite being in the hot sun and dirt, M was not surprised to find the woman still smelled like a melody as she whirled past. Shortly there after Mary Margaret came in to relieve M of her deputy watch and M was able to leave. It was the afternoon by the time she got back on Shadow. M considered waiting another day before heading out to the ranch; it was a short walk to the saloon and a drink would be most welcome, but M knew she didn’t have the luxury with the cattle drive starting so soon. M needed to meet the man who everyone seemed to have in the back of his or her mind even when he wasn’t around. More than that, she needed a job that paid well. She clicked her tongue and Shadow began to trot west towards the ranch, passing Mrs. Mills carriage that was parked outside the general store on her way. 

It took under an hour to get out to Storybrooke Ranch and that was with Shadow going at a leisurely trot. In western prairie terms that was right around the corner. As she rode, M found herself preoccupied with who had gotten to the Sheriff and left him for dead, and more importantly, why. M had no doubt that whoever was guilty left the man to die a particularly cruel death at the hands of his substantial injuries and the elements. It was either someone so callous that they enjoyed the thought of a slow torturous death or someone too cowardly to finish the man off. M remembered the night at the bar, the deputy saying that the sheriff was out negotiating with the nearby Apache tribe. She wondered if the town would blame them. M was fairly certain that it was not the work of the Apache. The Apache she knew would not turn on someone who came in peace to treat with them. The elders were not stupid either; they would know that such an act would have repercussions that could be very bad for the whole tribe. So if not them, then who? Sure any lawman out in the wild west usually had a slew of enemies under who’d like them dead or dying, but outlaws usually wanted it known they were the one to get rid of someone, to further bolster their reputation. Hopefully the sheriff would regain consciousness with his memories in tact. Although M was somewhat, open-minded, when it came to abiding by the law, if the deputy was any indication of the type of man that Sheriff Graham was then he was worth keeping around. 

The ranch was massive; the fences seemed to go on forever, as did the herd. It was a huge herd and M couldn’t see all of it; she guessed it ranged in the thousands, and M knew it would take a large crew to drive them. Large oaks lined the road leading into the center of the ranch and dessert willows stretched out into the surrounding area. As M came upon the large house she noticed a large apple tree off to the side that was bearing beautiful apples. The ranch was lush; it looked like an oasis in the middle of the prairie, and M knew there must be a bountiful water source to supply the land with what it needed to grow trees and plants so fruitfully. The ranch appeared empty and M surmised the crew was out on the land somewhere. M trotted Shadow around the house and over to the barn and found no one. She finally hopped off the horse and walked her back over to the apple tree. Picking up a fallen apple that looked fresh, she gave it to Shadow who swallowed it in two bites. M found a good looking apple for herself and put it in her vest pocket. She tied Shadow on the railing of the porch in the shade and climbed the front steps of the sprawling two-story farmhouse. M knocked loudly and got no answer. She looked around for a place to wait. Eyeing one of several rocking chairs she went and settled in, propping her feet up on the deck railing and tipping her hat over her eyes. Despite not having been on Shadow long, the strenuous events had taken a toll on her slowly recuperating body and she felt exhausted. The still quiet around her, with the far off noise of the large herd grazing and the slow motion of the rocking chair had her quickly dozing off. 

_____

 

Unhappiness lived and breathed in her life. It was a constant steady weight, smiling with blackened teeth, whispering that it was the only truth, the only constant. Whispering that all else was passing, fleeting, and would end in misery. Unhappiness had been telling her this story and seen it come true so many times that the woman no longer dared to hope. She had seen unhappiness, it’s sympathetic, pitying smile so many times, shaking it’s head when she had, against all evidence to the contrary, dared believe again that she might yet find joy. That passion was something not yet beyond her grasp in this life, and that the absurdity of love was possible again without leaving her writhing in pain. 

But it had been years since any of this had even been worth the time to think about. The monotony had taken over, and the dull numbing of wind and dust had left her just the same. It was passing strange that she even was taking time to contemplate such things. To dwell on the ambivalence of life, the steady throb of settling, the fleeting thought that life could be beautiful. In passing though, as if turning her head to one side hearing the wind whisper, or perhaps remembering something she’d meant to order at the store but couldn’t quite remember the name of. It was this way. 

When the carriage reached the start of the drive leading up to the ranch, the woman made the driver stop the carriage and got out, shooing Sydney on to take care of the carriage, horses, and provisions they’d picked up in town. She preferred a long walk to stretch her legs and her mind, perhaps find her dull familiar monotony that seemed to have left her today, and forget these unsettling thoughts by the time she reached the house. She did not really need the exercise today given the events from early, but she did want the time to think. She hurried her mind away from the strange woman who dressed and rode horses like a man, and the way the woman had expertly regained control of her runaway carriage, never hesitating, never pulling back in fear, as if she had every confidence in her ability to do what she ended up doing, horsemanship skills that few could claim. Her mind turned to Sheriff Graham and she gritted her teeth at what someone had done to the man and the chaos she knew it could cause, the people that could be hurt. Who would want to kill the sheriff? The man had brought so much peace to Storybrooke and the town loved him as far as she knew. The sheriff had played an integral part in why Storybrooke was more peaceful a town then so many in the West. 

When the woman got close enough she saw a jet-black horse loosely tied to the railing of her deck and she knew that woman was here somewhere. The woman had guts to be here, or maybe it was desperation. Her husband was not what she would call a generous man, but he looked at good help as an investment and he knew that good help would only stay if good pay followed. Although, this would be the first woman who’d tried for the part. But Mrs. Mills knew by the interaction earlier that this, “M” woman (if she insisted on calling herself by a letter) could ride circles around many of her husband’s crew and that was no easy task. As she got even closer she saw a figure sitting in one of her rockers on her porch, feet propped on her railing. 

That woman, Mrs. Mills thought to herself as she stepped forward more quickly. She had just hopped up on her porch and made herself comfortable. Obviously this woman was not from around here. No one would be so forward, no one would dare. She took the stairs up to her porch quickly and went to stand in front of the woman. The woman was breathing evenly and Mrs. Mills realized quickly she was sleeping. She sidled up to the woman and swayed her hips knocking them into the woman’s feet, causing them to slip off the railing and fall to the floor. The woman awoke with a grunt and tipped back her hat. 

“Mrs. Mills! Uhh, I hope you don’t mind me waiting on your porch.” M started and was cut off

“I do. You can wait over by the stables. My husband will be back soon,” she stated curtly.

“Of course,” M said and moved to get off the porch before hesitating and turning back, “All joking and needing a job aside, I am truly sorry for causing you distress and endangering you this morning. I should never have been going so fast. But,” the woman seemed unable to stop from pushing the words into the world, “it had been weeks since I’d been on my horse because of an accident,” M touched her torso where her injured ribs were underneath, “and I was chomping at the bit worse than Shadow,” she waved her hand towards her horse, “It’s no excuse, but I don’t make it a point to be reckless for the hell of it; this land gives me plenty of opportunities on its’ own without my help and, well, sorry.” M realized she had begun to ramble and stopped herself. 

“Call me Regina,” the brunette stated breathlessly. This woman before her unnerved her. M was no coward, no pushover (that much was obvious), and yet she apologized easily, and when Regina asked something (like to get off her porch) she complied without hesitation. She did not ask why or put up a fight as the many men in Regina’s life always seemed to without thought or respect for the woman. Yet here was this cowboy, err, cowgirl who could have been difficult with her but was so easy. Regina wanted to ask her about the accident, about what happened, or if she was all right but she stopped herself. What was the point? The woman would be gone soon enough, riding away before her boots had time to get cold. It was always this way. 

“Regina,” M whispered the name like a prayer and nodded. The way she seemed to mouth her name silently before saying it aloud had Regina intently focused on the woman’s lips, with a puzzled expression across her brow. M moved to step off the porch and Regina’s voiced stopped her, sighing, “You can wait here. Thank you for apologizing.”

M paused a moment, considering how best to proceed, “Look I know I’m a stranger and all but I’ve been thinking about what happened all afternoon. Who would do something like that to the sheriff? I mean I’ve only been here a few weeks, but I can tell you when it comes to western frontier towns this place has a leg up on most. It’s peaceful in comparison, and if the sheriff is anything like the deputy then he’s probably fair and does right by the townsfolk. I just worry that people will look to the Apache tribe that migrates through this land to blame and I really feel quite strongly that they are not to blame. I know that tribe, they would not leave a man to die a slow death in the desert.”

“You know the Apache around here?” Regina looked up quickly, immediately guarded.

M was not sure what to make of Regina’s response, “Err, yes, spent quite a bit of time with them. Their healer, Gouyen, saved my life once, and then her teachings taught me things that saved me multiple times since.”

Regina looked as if the words M spoke simultaneously shocked and relaxed her, “So you consider them friends?”

M nodded, “I do, and I am honored by the thought they feel the same towards me. It’s why it is so important to me that the folks in Storybrooke don’t blame them. There seems to be a goldmine of good people in this area,” M laughed lightly, “Storybrooke and Apache alike and I would not like them pitted against each other,” M hesitated before meeting Regina’s eyes, “I’m sorry, I may be making a bigger deal of it then it is, but I just assumed you may have some power in the popular opinion around here, so I wanted to put forth my vote that the Apache are not to blame.”

“I know they are not. You need not worry. If it comes up I will protect them, as I always have.” Regina had softened at M’s words, she wanted to explain to the woman just what her words meant to her, how good it was to have an ally, but that would mean opening up about her own history, and that would lead to more questions. She chose to return to the issue of the sheriff.

“I fear, Mmmm,” Regina let the name linger again on her lips, causing M the sudden need to focus on regulating her own breathing, “That someone may have planned exactly that, with what they expected to be the sheriff’s death. Pitting the people against each other. I only hope that when the sheriff recovers he will identify who did this to him. I do not believe they expected him to survive.”

“Do you have any idea who would want such a thing,” M inquired grimly.

“Someone who would gain something from having the people of Strorybrooke and the Apache at odds with each other.” Regina mused, observing the woman before her, whose eyes now roamed across the prairie and horizon in the distance.

“Land,” M murmured.

“Sorry?”

“Land, Mrs. Mills. With things like this, it is almost always about land. Someone wanting some they don’t have claim to and wanting to move the people who were there first out of the way so they can claim it. It’s a story that constantly replays itself out here.”

“Yes,” a strangled gasp escaped Regina’s mouth and M wondered at how one word could express so much. M heard in her short answer that Regina knew exactly what M spoke of and had experienced it first hand. M looked closely at the woman again. Her dark hair, dark eyes, the rich golden brown of her skin. She glanced across the woman’s cheekbones, forehead, and nose. M knew that Regina did not look like someone whose ancestors came solely from the east and Europe. The woman had blood running through her that was native to the ground they stood upon. If not full-blooded Apache, M surmised that the woman was at least half. 

Glimmering green eyes met rich brown and suddenly M felt a rather compelling urge to comfort the woman before her. But it was more then that; if this woman belonged in some way to the tribe that had saved her then she would ally herself with this woman based on that alone. It was her debt, her burden, and although the tribe would never ask or try to collect, she had sworn to herself she would never stop trying to repay them. And here was this woman before her, who hours earlier had seemed she never would need comfort from another living being, with worry clouding her whole face, worry for her people M expected. M stepped forward and touched her hand to Regina’s elbow and whispered, “I will protect them in any way I can. I owe them a debt I can never repay. They treated me better than any ever had, and…I am only standing here now because of them. What ever they, or you need, I am here.” 

The response took M by complete surprise. She had expected Regina to brush her back, to push her away, to find her response far too forward and if it had been anyone else, or any other conversation it surely would have resulted in exactly that. But it was not any other conversation, M was not anyone else and neither was Regina and when the two looked at each other it was some other pull that overcame them. It was some other question that lingered unanswered between them. It was some song, some rhythm, some beat that kept them both guessing, kept them both tipping their head to the sound, waiting to hear the answer on the wind to what this lingering, whistling, calling was. Regina, stepped forward.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a thumb, an incredibly soft thumb, connected to a perfumed palm that carried a scent that traveled up into her nose and brain, and carried itself all the way through her torso, abdomen and upper thighs. A scent she had, in less then a day, committed to memory. The scent of this woman, Emma thought, the scent of her. That thumb was running gently above her left eye.

“Dust in your eyebrow,” Regina offered a feeble explanation. 

“There is dust all over me Ma’am,” M offered, “But, thanks.”

Regina’s thumb was still resting on her eyebrow, her four fingertips lining up down M’s cheek, each one a blazing fire, “Thank…you.”

Before M could respond there was the sound of hooves beating towards them and growing louder quickly. M turned slightly to look towards the sound and Regina stiffened before stepping back and pulling her hand away in one motion. 

“That will be my husband, his sons, and the rest of the team. My husband is whom you need to speak with about work. If you’ll excuse me I must begin preparing dinner,” and before M could say another word Regina Mills was going in the house.

M turned back to the group of cowboys coming towards her and she stepped off the porch towards them. Leading the group of what looked to be around fifteen men, was a well-dressed somewhat older man whom M was fairly certain was Leo Mills. He was a large man, probably had always been stocky, with a wide chest and M imagine when he was younger it was all muscle. The man was older now, obviously living comfortably, and some of his considerable brawn had traveled to a softer point in his belly, though you couldn’t really call the man fat. The man wore a wide brimmed white cowboy hat and a closely cut salt and pepper beard. He was smiling widely and following closely behind him were the three sons M had passing knowledge of: Killian, Robin, and Neal. 

As they rode up, most of the men looked at her with some interest, as M had taken down her hair and let her blond locks flow out across her shoulders. There was no reason to try to pass as a man, better to be upfront with these men since they would all know each other well if she got the job. The only one who had any kind of emotion was Robin, and the way he looked at her M knew he remembered their altercation, however he remained quiet as the men came to a stop about ten feet away from her and began to dismount. M realized as Leo Mills dismounted that the white and brown horse he dismounted from was huge and as the man dismounted he looked even larger. He handed is horse to Neal and walked over to M.

“Is there something I can do for you,” Leo asked M, eyeing her up and down, taking in her rather non-traditional form of dress for a woman.

“I’m looking for work sir, and word is you’ll be taking your cattle to market soon,” M stated, looking in the man’s cold blue eyes.

“I already have a cook for the ride,” Leo shrugged and glanced towards his house, mind obviously already on what he would be having for dinner. 

“Good thing, most important position on a cattle drive if you ask me, but I’m no cook. I’m a ranch hand, I herd cattle,” M stated plainly, waiting for the typical response which was sure to follow.

Leo Mills let out a loud snort and hardy laugh, “You? But you’re a woman. Who ever heard of a woman riding range?”

M nodded, she had been through this conversation more times then she cared to remember. Usually the laughing stopped once she got on her horse. 

“I know it’s not heard of but I’ll get your cattle safely to their destination if you’ll give me the chance.”

“No. All you’ll do is distract my men; you’re nothing but a liability. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Leo began to make his way towards his house.

“With all do respect sir, if your men are so easily distracted from their work then that’s there problem and they are the liability. I’m nobody’s liability and I’ll prove my worth. If you’ve got a job, I can show you.”

Leo stopped at her comment, which was a barely veiled challenge to how well his crew could handle themselves. M was willing to gamble that Leo Mills was the type of man who would have trouble turning away from such a challenge. Most of the men M met out here were quite fragile when it came to their personhood and masculinity. It was not typically hard to manipulate. Robin had finally heard enough and stepped forward scowling, “Dad this is ridiculous. Don’t entertain this, whatever she is, any longer. Can you imagine what they’d say in Abilene when you bring your cattle in with a woman riding range? They’d laugh at you, Dad.”

Leo whipped around, glaring at Robin, “Nobody laughs at me, boy! And while I’m still breathing I’ll make the decisions about who rides with my cattle.”

Robin turned from his father’s glare as Leo turned back to M. 

“So you’ll prove it will you? Fine? Up in my northern most field I’ve got forty head of cattle. I was going to bring them down tomorrow morning but since you’re so eager, you can bring them down to that pen there,” Leo pointed to a large fenced area, “do it before nightfall and you’ve got the job.”

“It’s late afternoon and it takes an hour just to get there. At least give the woman a job that’s possible to do!”

M turned around at the statement and saw Regina was back on the porch. She was unaware that the woman had been listening. 

“Whatsit matter to you, Gina? The woman said she wants to prove herself. That will be proof positive,” Leo smiled grimly. 

Before anyone could say anything more M stared down Leo Mills and stated, “You’ll have your forty head by the time the sun dips past the horizon.”

M turned to walk to Shadow, while quickly putting her hair up under her hat. 

Regina spoke again, this time to M, exasperated, “how are you going to get there, hmm? You don’t even know where it is,” then to Leo, “someone will at least have to lead her up there, Leo,” the woman’s voice sounded urgent.

Before Leo could say anything M heard a child’s voice from behind her, “I’ll show her, Pa!”

M turned then with Shadow’s reins in her hands to see a brown haired boy with bright eyes looking at Leo and then to Regina. The boy looked to be about 12 years old and he was riding a pretty Palomino horse. M suspected the boy had been at the back of the group and has just come forward. 

Leo turned to the boy, “That’ll do, Henry,” he said gruffly.

“That will not do,” Regina huffed, “he has been out all day and he’s only 13 years old. Henry, you must be exhausted.”

Leo turned to Regina, “Gina, I was four years younger than him when I was riding range from sun-up to sundown. Quit coddling’ the boy, woman,” Leo looked back to the boy, “Get on then Henry, time’s wastin’.” M winced at the gruff tone the man used with Regina and what M guessed was their son.

Henry then turned his bright eyes to M and smiled with excitement, “Come on, we’d better get you up there!”

M turned back and caught Regina’s gaze. She smiled quietly at the woman, hoping to convey that she would look after the child. Regina shook her head and turned back to the boy, “Henry you be careful, and you mind M, what she says, you listen to her.”

Leo looked at M, “M? What kinda name is that for a person,” and then to his wife, “and how you know her name Gina, you know this woman?”

M didn’t wait to hear the end of the conversation; the boy was trotting away and M clicked at Shadow to follow close behind, knowing she had a days work ahead of her that she now had about four hours to complete. 

They were riding fast so there was little talking between them. M was impressed by the young boy’s horsemanship. He was gentle with the horse and it was easy to see the horse had affection for the boy and wanted to please him. On their way past the stables the boy whistled and a dog that the boy referred to as Charlie came bounding out. M did not know if Leo Mills would count using a herd dog against her, but she was damn sure going to use the dog. The task would be difficult with the dog, but getting the cattle back to the ranch before dark without a herd dog would be much slower and likely take twice as long. M wasn’t sure how long it took them to get up to the pasture but M did not think it had taken them a full hour. M guessed she had about three or four hours to get the herd back to the ranch. M looked over at the boy who was breathing hard and looked rather excited and pleased.

“You ride good,” Henry smiled.

“Thank yeh, boy, as do you. Yeh go ahead back, your mother will be worried,” M nodded at the boy.

“But I was going to help you bring in the cattle,” the boy frowned.

M smiled at the boy, he was really a sweet kid, “And I’d take the help if I could, but I don’t think that was part of the bargain.”

The boy furrowed his brow and chewed his lip a moment, and M realized she saw the woman, Regina, in every part of him. 

“I guess you’re right. Say, do you really think you can do it? I mean you’re really good but I mean even Killian can’t get the cattle in from this field in under half a day and he’s the best rider on the ranch!”

M smiled again at the boy’s honesty as she trotted Shadow towards the far side of the herd to get them moving, “I mean to try kid. Now get on back to your mother, eh? I’ll keep Charlie if that’s all right, though. Hopefully your dad won’t hold that against me.”

Henry grinned and nodded, “He’s a real smart dog, I helped train him,” and then more solemnly, “good luck, I hope you make it.”

M watched the boy ride off back toward the ranch and then turned back to the herd. She had her work cut out for her. M knew that whether she made it in time or not would be dependent on how quickly she could get the herd moving, as that was what usually took the longest. M whistled to Charlie and then gruffly spit out “gitatem boy.”

With Charlie’s help they were able to get them moving quickly and M took the left flank of the herd, while Charlie kept the other side in check. The long afternoon sun was beating down and M was covered in sweat. Shadow was slick from sweating and their old friend, the prairie dust, was sticking to them and sucking out ever bit of moisture. M kept her head low and eyes trained on the herd of cattle. M watched the sun as it became lower and lower in the sky. She licked her lips nervously and thought about where she would go if she couldn’t come through on this. She saw a cluster of small boulders she remembered from the ride out and guessed she was a bit past halfway; M knew it would be close. She pressed the herd on. 

\------------

Leo Mills sat on his porch rocking, a glass of whiskey in his hand, and puffed a cigar. His young wife was getting their boy, who had been back a few hours now, ready for bed. The sun had dipped low on the horizon and dusk had settled across the ranch. The woman did not have long at all. He shook his head; the poor woman was probably just getting them out of the field. They’d probably hear the herd coming in around midnight if the woman was tenacious. If she wasn’t, she’d probably just give up and his boys would have to go out and get the herd tomorrow. If she ended up doing something stupid like causing a stampede or getting some of them injured, or stealing them, well that would be the worst. If something like that happened he would have to find and deal with her somehow. Storybrooke Ranch and Leo Mills did not take kindly to those that caused him to lose money. Those that tested him had to be dealt with. 

It was as Leo Mills was watching the darkness begin to steal the last of the dusk that he heard the rumbling that signified cattle coming. He walked out off his porch and watched as his forty head from the northern field came rumbling in to the pen he had been pointed out earlier. His cigar almost rolled out of his mouth as he watched his herd. They were coming in clean and tight, without a straggler in sight, and whatever he thought before, Leo Mills had to wonder where this woman had learned to ride range and herd cattle. He heard a bark and saw that Charlie had decided to join and help. The cattle baron knew that if he wanted to he could argue the point that the woman had the dog’s help and therefore did not hold up her end of the bargain, but while Leo Mills was many things he was not stupid, and he did not let his pride get in the way of a shrewd business choice. He would be a fool to throw away this woman’s skill. Honestly, if he had about three more like her he’d feel a lot more comfortable about the coming ride to Abilene. Leo Mills would take what he could get, regardless of what was between a person’s legs. 

M finished getting the herd into the pen just as night settled completely across the prairie. She then rode Shadow over to the front of the ranch house to find Leo Mills, and his three adult sons on the porch. The boys’ faces were strained to say the least, but the baron himself looked please.

“I’m impressed…M is it? I don’t know if there is another person on this ranch who could’ve got that herd in, in that time, except maybe me,” he smirked.

M nodded, still recovering her breath. She saw Killian wince at the comment and hid the smug feeling it brought. Her body was on fire, her ribs most of all, and she wanted nothing more than to find somewhere semi-soft to lie down on and go to sleep.

“A deal is a deal. You’ve got the job if you want it. Take good care of my property, M, and I’ll make it worth your while.” Leo stated.

M nodded, “I will, and thank yeh.” 

“You can put your horse up in the stable and use what you need to get her comfortable. The bunkhouse is where the rest of the ranch hands are staying. I believe it’s pretty full but you may be able to squeeze in. Archie, the cook is in there too, and may have some leftovers from dinner.”

“Thank you sir, but I don’t mind sleeping out in the open, I will take you up on the stable space for Shadow though” M smiled, there was no way she was going to try to squeeze into some bunkhouse with a bunch of sweaty, smelly men. She’d rest better under one of those large oaks she rode past on the way into the ranch.

Leo shrugged, “Suit yourself. We start bright and early in the morning.” 

M dismounted from Shadow with her back to the porch where the men stood and allowed herself to wince at the pain in her ribs since no one could see. While she was stepping down she heard the door to the ranch house open and then Henry’s voice.

“You did it, wow, you really did!”

M turned to see the boy smiling at her in his long underwear and found herself, quite out of character, being unable not to smile back, “I did, yes.”

Behind him stood Regina. The woman had changed and was wearing a simple cream-colored housedress, and was still managing to look stunning in the process. She did not meet M’s gaze, but looked down at the boy warmly, “Henry come on, you should be in bed.”

M found herself gritting her teeth. She was not sure what she wanted or expected from this woman, but now that the woman had barely glanced at her she realized she did want something. Recognition perhaps, of what she’d just accomplished: a smile or congratulations. She almost laughed at herself at how absurd it was to want such things from this woman she hardly knew. 

M turned back to the boy, “goodnight Henry, I reckon I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It was fully dark before M had her bedroll laid out and a small campfire started next to her to ward off the coolness of the night. She had gotten Shadow settled and now was kicking herself for being too proud to go grovel to the cook for some leftovers because her stomach was growling like a wolf. She contemplated going and stealing more apples as she’d already eaten the one she’d taken earlier that afternoon and it was delicious. The woman sighed and took a drink of water from her canteen, wishing it was whiskey. She heard the snap of a twig off to her right and looked up quickly, hand immediately going to brush the handle of her six-shooter. 

She heard the voice that had, within one day, built a cabin and taken up residence in her mind, “If you aren’t hungry I will just take the food back to the kitchen, you don’t have to shoot me.”

M jumped to her feet as Regina came sweeping into view, the simple cream-colored dress causing her golden brown skin to glow even more. In her hands was a plate with what looked to M like a bounty. Regina stepped forward offering the plate.

M hesitated a moment, “You didn’t have to…”

“Of course I didn’t, but I did, are you not hungry?”

“Starving”

“Then eat.”

It was all the encouragement M needed. She took the plate murmuring a thank you and sat down with it in the dirt offering her bedroll to Regina to sit on. The plate had a hefty helping of beans with bacon in them, greens, and two fluffy biscuits. M picked up the spoon and began eating. She tried to eat politely in front of the woman, but at the taste of the food she gave in and began shoveling the food into her mouth, groaning and nodding in delight, closing her eyes briefly from time to time, savoring the meal. M looked over at the woman daintily perched on her bedroll. She was watching M eat, and seemed satisfied with M’s response to the food.

“Your cook knows what he’s doing. I haven’t had a meal this good in I don’t know how long,” M stated as she spooned more beans into her mouth.

“I made that. The cook makes the food for the crew, but I cook for my…family. There was some beef, but between the five of them they finished it off,” the woman stated, and M noticed her discomfort at referring to them as family. She wanted to know why.

M used the last biscuit to sop up the gravy left on the plate from the beans and greens, “I bet it was amazing too. Those guys know how good they’ve got it, Mrs. Mills? That was incredible.”

“I told you my first name, that means I want you to use it. I know at least one of them appreciates it,” Regina smiled, her eyes looking at the small fire, and M knew she was referring to Henry. M pulled out her tobacco pouch and began rolling a cigarette. 

“He seems like a good boy…smart as well” M stated simply and let the silence, which was somehow rather comfortable to her, drift between them. She lit her cigarette with a stick from the fire and inhaled deeply, smacking her lips as she stretched out her legs and leaned back on her elbows. 

“He is wonderful,” Regina smiled, eyeing M’s cigarette.

“Oh I’m sorry, would you like one,” M asked, beginning to pull her tobacco pouch back out.

“No, a lady does not smoke cigarettes,” Regina stated in a way that sounded as if she was mocking someone who was not present, “But I don’t think anyone would know if you feel like sharing yours?”

M smiled and leaned towards the woman, cigarette held out to her, “My pleasure.”

M felt the woman’s fingers brush her own as she took the cigarette, fully expecting, but still very much enjoying the jolt that ran up her arm from the simple touch. Regina took a drag from the cigarette and exhaled in satisfaction. M wanted to say a great deal more, wanted to ask the woman more questions. M felt herself curious about every sigh, every look, and facial expression. She was so good at reading people and she rarely second-guessed herself about it but with this woman she was constantly second guessing herself. She was constantly plowing forward only to tiptoe the next minute. What was more disconcerting was the fact that she cared enough to think about it, and analyze it all. It didn’t feel like enough, but M imagined that being around this woman, that feeling would become rather familiar. Perhaps it was enough for one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I feel like a lot of people enjoy Regina feeding Emma (I know I do). There is something that seems really intimate about that to me. 
> 
> Also I have noticed some of my punctuation and font is not coming over when I upload to the site (I just noticed as I was reading through the old chapters already posted) but nothing that changes things much. Still I am planning on going back to do some minor editing, but it is mostly grammar stuff. No content is getting changed. I am new to the site so still getting use to things. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and for commenting!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a little longer to get this chapter done then I thought. Real life got in the way. Happy marriage equality USA :)

The days that followed flew by as the ranch prepared for the biggest event of the year. M threw herself into the work and quickly gained the respect of the crew, who, for the most part were a tight knit group. There were a few wanderers like her but most of the men had settled in Storybrooke and made their lives there around the ranch. It meant that Leo Mills played an even more important role in the town then M had initially thought. Men who wandered from town to town made up most cattle drive crews M had been on before. The fact that so many had settled here suggested that not only did the cattle baron’s ranch provide ample work, but that he paid well too. M knew it was certainly the biggest operation she’d seen, and over the years wandering the prairie lands, she had seen her fair share. M found herself forming a quick bond with one of the Storybrooke cattlemen, August, who was hard working and had an easy, genuine manner about him. The two seemed to be in sync when it came to working with the cattle, and M knew it would be good to have someone to rely on during the drive. 

M also found herself, much to her own surprise, enjoying time she spent with the youngest of the Mills clan, Henry. Apparently it was still up in the air whether he would go on the cattle drive. Regina felt the boy was still too young, but Leo disagreed and the boy obviously wanted to go. He was certainly making every effort to prove he was ready. M had seen younger on drives, and the boy had a good head on his shoulders. Something about having a kid around brought some levity to things and she knew the kid would be a morale booster on the long days ahead. 

The man’s three adult sons did not change much in M’s eyes from her initial evaluation of them in the bar. Killian and Robin were pompous and preferred competing with each other over doing any real work. The crew, for obvious reasons mostly overlooked this. Neal seemed like the most level headed of the three and seemed to enjoy hard work, but he was quick to follow in the lead of his brothers whenever they told him to do something. 

David came out to the ranch and said the sheriff had made it through the worst of things and was on the mend. David looked thoroughly relieved at this, though he said the man did not remember much. Apparently the attack had happened after the man had left the Apache tribe and was returning to the town. The attackers had surprised him in the evening and he couldn’t remember anything to identify them. M could see it was disappointing for the deputy and felt for him. David said that if M came to town before leaving to stop by and say hello as the sheriff wanted to thank her, although M didn’t think that was necessary she nodded she would anyways. 

M felt her full strength, as well as her full breathing capacity, returning each day. Archie, the cook, wasn’t as good as Regina but M wasn’t complaining, nor was she picky. It had been awhile since she’d been getting three square meals a day. Sometimes at the end of the day when she’d return to her small camp site where she kept her belongings she would find a few biscuits wrapped in a napkin waiting for her and knew the woman of the house had thought of her. In many ways this knowledge was more filling then the biscuits themselves and as she would eat them she would imagine Regina working the dough and baking them, a dotting of sweat across her brow. Then she would feel like a fool for daydreaming about a woman making biscuits. It was nice nonetheless, to have these small reminders. 

M saw Regina but usually only had time to speak to her briefly and in passing. However, it did seem wherever M was, Regina would often turn up with a reason to be there. M made it a habit of convincing herself this was coincidence and all in her head. She also found herself finding reasons to go by the house or to the kitchen door when she knew Regina would be cooking to ask for a sewing needle, or a piece of linen for a bandage for some cut that did not need bandaging. Regina would usually make a show of huffing, rolling her eyes, and telling M what a mess she was, all while sitting M down on the stool at the kitchen table cleaning and bandaging the injury herself. By the end of it M would be poking her nose around the delicious smelling pots on the stove or grabbing a piece of fresh baked bread off the counter before feeling small hands at her hips and the small of her back shooing her out the door pretending to be annoyed but bright eyes glimmering. M would remind the dark haired woman that she started the whole thing by feeding her that first night such delicious food.

“I’m like a stray dog Ms. Mills, you fed me once, you’ll never get rid of me now”

“I told you to call me Regina. My husband is not paying you to steal food from his kitchen and have his wife play nurse to you because you can’t seem to keep yourself from injury for more then a few hours. I wonder how you’ve managed to survive this long honestly,” the woman feigned aggravation. 

“Just lucky I guess. Maybe next time I won’t come when I get a cut and I’ll get an infection and die. You’ll feel guilty then Regina Mills,” M smiled, wondering who this person was who teased so easily because it did not sound like her. 

“Oh your right, I’ll be plagued with guilt for all my years,” Regina put on a mock frown as she rolled her eyes before laughing. 

M wondered how making one person laugh could thrill her as if she was breaking a stallion in the wild, or letting Shadow go at a full run out on the prairie. Perhaps it was that the woman laughing seemed to be so rare. At first M had been surprised at the woman’s easy sense of humor and M began to realize that perhaps it was just that the woman had not had many around to make her laugh, or cared enough to try. 

Often she saw Regina from a distance; in beautiful dresses the woman seemed to have in all colors of the rainbow, though she seemed partial to red, black, grey, and purple. M personally thought she did a number in green and blue. She saw by the faces of the men around that she was not the only one who’d managed to notice the woman’s beauty. There was a mixed reaction of staring at her or staring at the ground when she glided past depending on the boldness of the man. M realized Regina was the only woman on the ranch (other then her now) and wondered how long it had been that way. Regina seemed to ignore the men in total, and from what she saw was barely cordial to her husband’s three adult sons. Of course the way Killian and Robin looked at her with something between lust and envy, had M gritting her teeth around them. On a number of occasions she had to stop herself from saying something. It was rare that she saw Leo and Regina interact with each other and usually it was no more than a few words said between the two. M found herself wondering how the two were in private. Mostly though, she just found herself thinking of Regina Mills herself, and trying to come up with more excuses to be around her. M knew herself well enough to know she was enamored with the woman to say the least. M also knew the absurdity of believing that anything would come from it, or that Regina Mills was reciprocating in any way. Despite her mind’s ability to read into every interaction with the woman, her rational mind would not allow her to entertain the idea that any of such thoughts were rooted in reality. 

\------------------

It was the day before the start of the cattle drive when M almost lost the job she’d somehow, despite everything, managed to get. It was morning and the crew was sitting around having breakfast before the start of the day. The older Mills brothers had come around to have coffee and assign tasks to the crew and someone had asked where the patriarch was that morning.

“He’ll be along later, he’s taking a late morning, and it ain’t none of your concern anyways,” Killian growled.

“That young wife of him taxing him too much, eh Killian,” one of the wandering cowboys joked.

One of his equally charming pals joked back, “You boys might have this ranch sooner than later if she goes too hard on him, put him in an early grave.” 

M could feel her blood hot underneath her skin and wondered if the brothers were going to put a stop to the conversation. Neal looked uncomfortable with the joking, and Killian just looked annoyed. But Robin’s eyes were glinting as he grinned lecherously at the man. 

Robin leaned in towards the man, the slick smile still on his lips and said, “And you know she comes with the ranch. I get the ranch, I get her too.” M saw the small tongue dart out as he licked his lower lips and then she saw nothing but red.

Archie said later that one minute Robin was smiling like that and the next he was flat on his back with M above him and the back of his head being beaten into the ground repeatedly, only stopping long enough for M to throw a right hook across his face. It took four men to haul her off him and Robin struggled to get up, eventually needing assistance. When he spat M saw blood and what looked like the white of a tooth before she was hauled around to meet Killian’s sharp fist right in her mouth followed by an uppercut to her stomach that knocked the wind out of her. 

“Look, bitch, I don’t know who the hell you think you are but you so much as touch one of my brothers again and I’ll break your goddamn legs and leave you in the middle of the dessert for the vultures,” he hissed.

M spit blood at the lanky man’s feet before looking up at him, “Muzzle the bastard and I won’t have to you snake.”

M tried to free herself from the grip of the men still holding her but they were waiting for Killian’s signal and M suddenly had her confirmation of who was in charge after Leo Mills. Killian smiled cruelly before hitting her in the stomach one more time. He managed to hit her on the side that was still tender from her broken rib and the pain soared through her as she doubled over. She felt herself being let go of and she dropped to the ground. 

“What in the hell is going on here,” M heard Leo Mills roar from behind. 

She turned to see the man barreling towards them. Leo looked from Robin to M and then back to Robin.

Killian stepped forward, “It’s taken care of Dad, just a misunderstanding is all.”

“It had better be dammit! We leave tomorrow and I’ve got two of my best damn riders bloody on the ground. You all work for me! I don’t pay for you shitheads to fight, I pay you to work, so do it! M, you take the wagon to town with the steer for the townsfolk. Drop it at Granny’s and there is a last minute order of supplies at the general store to be picked up. Your head had better be cool by the time you get back and there better not be any more of this or you are out of here. Robin, you idiot, get in the house and get Gina to clean you up,” and with that Leo Mills stomped off to the stables.

M glanced at Robin who was smiling at her and M gritted her teeth that the son of a bitch was going to be fixed up by the very woman he so openly disrespected. She pulled her own dusty handkerchief from her pocket and poured a bit of water on it before dabbing the blood off her lip and heading to the wagon that had already been hitched up. 

\-----------------

When M hit the swinging door of Granny’s saloon she was still seething from the morning altercation, clenching and unclenching her jaw at what transpired and of the coming months out in no man’s land with Robin and the other fools on the crew. More than just anger, M was curious about Robin’s words. If there was truth to what the man had said, was Regina Mills somehow tethered to the ranch by something? M found herself more curious about what had led to Regina marrying Leo Mills. M knew it was possible they married for love but every bone in her body protested such a thought; she didn’t know if that was accurate or clouded by what she wanted to be true. 

Upon entering Granny’s saloon her heart warmed seeing the old woman unchanged. Granny was behind the bar and Sheriff Graham was on one of the bar stools. Granny was having a hearty laugh at something the man had said.

Upon seeing M walk in Granny smiled wider than was usual for the gruff woman, “M! We thought the ranch had swallowed you up! Come over and have a drink!”

M nodded, pulling her hat off and running her hand through her hair as she walked over to the bar, “It’s good to see you Granny. Mr. Mills sent me in with a steer for the town. We head to Abilene tomorrow.”

“Yep, he always slaughters his best and biggest steer for the town to divvy up between us and share. Thinks it brings him good luck, makes sure his stock gets to market unharmed,” Granny explained, eyeing M’s swollen lip while getting a glass out and pouring some whiskey, “course no one here’s complaining.”

M leaned against the bar and took the glass, turning to the sheriff nodding, “Sheriff Graham, we haven’t met really. Last time I saw you, it was in much worse circumstances. To your recovery,” M stated tipping her glass towards the man before taking the shot.

“I hear I have you to thank, M, right?” Sheriff Graham nodded towards M, tipping his own drink toward M before sipping his whiskey.

“Yes, M. As for thanks, you are welcome. You can thank my recklessness for causing Mrs. Mills carriage to go out of control,” M smirked.

Sheriff Graham laughed, “David told me the story. Whatever it was, fate or coincidence, I’ll thank yeh none the less.”

M turned back to Granny as the woman refilled their glasses, “Where do you want the steer, Granny, it’s out front in the wagon.”

“We’ll take it from here, M,” Granny said and she looked toward Leroy who was nodding off in a corner over his beer, “Leroy!”

The man snorted, as he was startled out of his nap, leaping up, “Huh?”

“M’s brought the steer from Mills’ ranch. Take the wagon over to the general store and get some of those other useless lot you hang around to get it up on the hooks to cut up for everyone. Bring back the wagon when you’ve gotten the steer unloaded so we don’t keep M, eh?”

Leroy nodded at Granny and turned to M, “Good to see you M, how are you?”

“Much improved, Leroy. Shadow’s well also,” M nodded at the man as she patted her torso where her broken rib had been.

“Good M, glad to hear it,” Leroy nodded as he placed his scuffed black derby on his head before heading out the door.

M turned back to the sheriff and Granny, this time sipping her drink, as she settled into a bar stool to wait on Leroy.

“Sheriff Graham, do you have any idea who would want to do that to you,” M asked.

“Believe me M, I’ve thought of little else these past weeks. I’ve run through it over and over hoping to think of something I’d forgot and I’ve got nothing,” the sheriff sighed.

M nodded and was about to comment when the sheriff spoke up again, “I don’t believe it was the Apache though, where some in the town have placed the blame. It doesn’t make sense. Even if I ignore the relationship I’ve built with the tribe and their chief, Taza, which is a good one, they would not be so stupid to do something like that where the blame would so obviously point to them.”

M was pleased the man had come to the same conclusion as her.

“I agree with you Sheriff, but then that still leaves the question of who, and did they mean for the Apache to be blamed,” M inquired.

The sheriff looked at her grimly, “I have wondered the same thing, and that line of questioning does not lead down a friendly road.”

“Doesn’t mean it is any less necessary to take, Graham,” Granny pointed out, her face had re-formed to her more familiar frown.

The sheriff said nothing but turned his stool to look out of the saloon to the thoroughfare, sighing slowly. M had hoped that the sheriff would be farther along in his investigation, but it seemed the man was still guessing same as she. M fidgeted with her glass, the question she wanted to ask on the tip of her tongue urging her impatiently. She did not usually let her curiosity get the better of the stoic exterior she preferred to present to the world, even to people she was fond of, but then nothing about her fascination with Regina was usual.

She cleared her throat unsure how to open the conversation before finally stating, “Regina Mills, is she Apache?”

The sheriff stiffened, turning back to the bar and making eye contact with Granny.

“Her mother was Apache, father was a cowboy, a White man,” Granny stated, fidgeting with the cork of the whiskey bottle. 

“Was? So they’re dead then,” M asked, trying to sound nonchalant, as if she were just filling time.

“Yes, both of them. If you’re thinking she had something to do with what happened to me…” Sheriff Graham started before M cut him off.

“No, not at all, just wondering. Its just,” M looked for the words, “I suppose I’m just curious. She’s much younger then Mr. Mills, not saying that is so uncommon, especially around these parts but…” M trailed off, unsure of how to proceed and simply shrugged. 

The sheriff stood up and put his hat back on, “I should go help Leroy. Leave it to him you won’t be back to the ranch until tomorrow morning. Besides, if you really want to know that story it’s Granny who knows it, who saw it, and it’s up to her if she wants to tell it. M, I won’t forget what you did for me. Thank yeh.”

“I did what anyone would have, sheriff. Good luck with your, investigation. Take care,” M put out her hand and the sheriff shook it and nodded.

“Good luck on the drive,” he said before heading out of the saloon. 

M turned back to the bar after the sheriff left to find that Granny was pulling up a stool on her side. The woman pulled out a glass for herself and poured some whiskey into it, and some more in M’s glass. She took a long pull from her glass and sighed before taking out a pipe and beginning to pack it with tobacco. M followed the old woman’s lead, pulling out her own tobacco pouch and began rolling a cigarette.

“Say, where’s Ruby, Granny,” M asked off handedly, trying to allow the woman time to gather whatever thoughts were on her mind.

“Upstairs napping, we’ll have a busy night tonight, always do the night before the cattle drive. Your crew will all come in, and the townsfolk will be excited to have good meat to fill their bellies,” Granny mused as she lit her pipe before she made eye contact with M.

“So you want to know about Regina Mills’ past, eh,” Granny asked, pointing her pipe at M.

“Granny, it don’t matter. I was just curious,” M sighed, eyes focused on her cigarette.

“That why you don’t talk much, M?

“Huh? What do you mean?

“You don’t talk much cause you’re a piss poor liar?”

M scoffed, “I’m a damn good liar, Granny.”

Granny laughed, “Not about this one, kid.”

“Look, I’ve just gotten to know the woman a little is all, and I just wonder how it all came to be. She doesn’t seem all that happy, but she doesn’t seem like one to talk about her past either.”

“Can’t fault her for that, that woman’s got a past I’m sure she’d prefer to forget,” Granny sighed, “but if you care for the woman, which you do seem to, lord knows she could use a friend.”

Granny paused as she sipped her whiskey and let her eyes drift out to the empty saloon, focusing on nothing in particular. She seemed to be traveling back in her mind before beginning to speak.

Finally after a minute of silence Granny began, “This use to all be Apache territory. As you probably know the Apache don’t stay in one place. They travel hundreds of miles each year, but they sort of rotate to the same spots, and this whole expanse was all hunting grounds for them. Much of it still is but when Leo Mills, and the other cattlemen came out to settle the region it caused a disruption in their hunting grounds, and therefore a disruption in their way of life. In the beginning it was mostly a lot of men with rifles, whiskey, and no rules, hoping to make it big. I was one of a few women who were with them when they first began to settle, and those first years were a blood bath. The Apache and the cattlemen at war with each other over the land. The Apache were determined to drive them out and the cattlemen were just as determined to stay and lay claim to the land.”

“Those first years were awful, M. At some point the cattlemen began to get the upper hand. They were well financed by investors back east and had plenty of horses, guns, and expendable men to fight for them. There were a couple times that peace treaties were attempted, and at these meetings Regina’s father, Henry, was always there to mediate and translate. Several times these meetings dissolved without any agreement. But at some point during that time Leo Mills caught site of young Regina. Leo’s first wife had died of pneumonia before he came west and the man was looking to marry again. Leo liked what he saw in Regina, no surprise there, you’ve seen her. Well, he called another meeting for peace with Regina’s father that involved him getting Regina as a wife, in exchange for the end of the violence and massacre that had been raining down on the Apache people. Regina’s father blew up at that; saying he wouldn’t sell his daughter, and the two men came to blows. The peace treaty dissolved quickly and a fight, battle really, broke out. The Apache and the cattlemen went at each other; according to what I was told it was mostly hand-to-hand combat and knives. They had been treating at the Apache camp and when the fight broke out it quickly started to become a massacre of the elders, women, and children alike. In the battle Leo Mills killed Regina’s father, and her mother was killed as well by another, though I’m not sure by whom. As I heard it told, one of the cattlemen was going after Regina’s younger sister when Regina cried out for the massacre to stop. She went right there to Leo and told him if he stopped and called off his men, and if he would agree to the land boundaries that they had discussed while treating she would marry him.”

Granny stopped to clear her pipe, and refill her glass before going on, “Can you picture the girl, just turned 18 and seeing her family, her people slaughtered before her. Then somehow this, child, manages the courage to agree to marry the very man who killed her father, to save her people,” the old woman shook her head, looking tired.

“And she’s kept her end of the bargain, even bore the man a son. And for his part Leo Mills has kept his end of the bargain, and seen that the other cattlemen in the region have kept the peace as well, at least for the most part,” Granny gave a sad smile that did not reach her eyes. 

M shot back the whiskey in her glass, grimacing. She remembered what Regina had said to her, “I will protect them, as I always have.” She tried not to imagine a very young Regina burying her parents, saying goodbye to her sister and her people, to the only life, and customs she had ever known to go make a life with one of the very people who had caused the destruction. M felt a tangled mess of sorrow and admiration for the woman. 

“Jesus,” M whispered. It seemed there was some truth in Robin’s statement about Regina being tied to Storybrooke Ranch.

“No M, I don’t believe he was there that day,” Granny stood stiffly and finished her whiskey, “supper ain’t gonna cook itself, eh,” the old woman said off handedly before heading out of the bar towards the kitchen.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn skippy, baby

“I wish I knew your Christian name woman cause I’d damn sure use it right now,” the voice called out from behind M who had her hand on the door heading out of the saloon. 

Leroy had brought back the wagon and M was about to head back to the ranch. M turned to the voice she recognized at once.

“Ruby,” M couldn’t help but smile at the young woman despite the heaviness that weighed on her from the conversation with Granny.

The young woman must have just woken from her nap and had yet to change into one of the fancier dresses she used when she was entertaining. She stood on the lowest landing of the stairs in a simple white cotton shift, her long brown hair lying across her shoulders. She crossed the floor towards M quickly who in turn met her halfway. They embraced easily and Ruby kissed M’s cheek softly.

“I nurse you back to health and you were going to walk outa' here, go on that cattle drive and never even say goodbye, hmmm” Ruby teased.

“I didn’t want to wake you, I know you’ll have your hands full tonight,” M smiled.

“How are you,” Ruby asked, brushing her hand against M’s torso where her broken rib had been.

“Well, I’ll give you a hint,” and with that M put her hands on the slender woman’s waist, and lifted her into the air, twirling her once before setting her down again. Ruby squealed with delight, pressing her warm hand against M’s broad shoulder.

“Why don’t you stay in town tonight, M? Enjoy your last night before the drive,” Ruby asked, her hand making its way to rest on M’s upper arm. M had some suspicion that Ruby wouldn’t mind a more intimate relationship but she’d never been sure. Something about the way the woman asked made her wonder again.

“Ruby, I should probably head back out there. I don’t have money for a room anyways.”

The young woman’s voice dropped slightly as she looked at M through her eyelashes, “I meant you could stay with me.”

M was surprised at the woman’s forwardness; such relationships were not acknowledged nor discussed. Two women together happened, in fact fairly often, but M had never been asked so forwardly. She guided the younger woman over to a table in the corner.

“Ruby, you should be careful about what you say and to whom,” M started before being cut off.

Ruby rolled her eyes, “M, it’s not anyone, it’s you, and you haven’t so much as glanced at a man since I met you. But you certainly glanced at me more than once when you were mending in my bed.”

M shook her head, laughing, “Fair enough, you’ve got me there,” she held Ruby’s gaze for a long moment before continuing, “Ruby, you deserve someone who will give you every part of themselves, and I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Ruby sighed audibly, “Darlin’ I knew that the moment you opened your eyes, I wouldn’t get but a part of you, if anything. I was just asking if you wanted to keep me company tonight, not a declaration of love!”

M laughed lightly, her eyes glancing downward, feeling slightly humbled, “Of course not, sorry. But still I should get back and turn in early, it’ll be a long day tomorrow.”

It was Ruby’s turn to eye M for a long moment, “You know for someone as hardened as you are, you’re a lousy liar?”

M rolled her eyes, still smiling, “I seem to be getting that a lot today. Maybe you’re just a family of truthsayer’s” 

“I don’t know about that, but it is easy enough to see that something is on you’re mind.”

When M didn’t say anything, Ruby continued, “Or maybe someone,” M was determined to not give anything away by her expression but the girl was smart, “with long hair that shimmers in the sun and looks almost black in the right light, and eyes like dark molasses.”

M stood up, trying to avoid having the conversation continue. She smiled at Ruby, “I’m going to miss you.”

“Does that mean you’re coming back after you drop off those cattle,” Ruby asked, her eyes hopeful.

M shifted back and forth on her feet. This question had been in the back of her head now for a while, really since she began to feel connected to the town. Before she’ d gotten to Storybrooke she only had plans to do the drive to Abilene and then head off again, wandering as she had for so long. The fact that she was even remotely contemplating laying down more permanent roots in one place had her surprised at herself. 

“Honestly, I don’t know Ruby,” she started to say more but stopped. She could talk around it all she wanted but the truth was didn’t know, almost as though she was waiting for an answer to come. 

Ruby seemed to accept this, and nodded before standing herself, and once again embracing the strong woman.

“Try to take care of yourself, M”

M took the woman’s cheek in her hand before leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead, “I’ll try. Thank yeh, for everything.”

She turned, heading out of the saloon as the first townsfolk began to trickle in from outside. She looked back at Ruby and smiled before readjusting her hat and heading out to the wagon. Settling herself on the driver’s bench she picked up the reigns and clicked her tongue to get the horses moving, ignoring the sting in her eyes. 

\------------------

As M neared the ranch she could hear music playing and the sound of laughter and loud voices. As she reached the center of the ranch she saw a long table and chairs set out with everyone at the ranch there. A large outdoor cooking fire was roaring and M could see huge slabs of meat on the grill. Archie was manning the grill and August was picking on his guitar. All the Mills men, Henry included, were at the head of the table and looked to be enjoying themselves quite a bit. M saw that another steer had been slaughtered for the ranch’s own festivities. Much of the steer was still up on a hook hanging off the barn. M grimaced a bit. She was every bit a meat eater but there was something inside her that felt discomfort about slaughtering cows; docile animals that trusted their caretakers until one day the caretaker killed them, when they needed them for food, or money. It was different then spending hours out on the prairie, your stomach growling cause it had been a day since you ate and bagging a hare or even a small deer. At least it was a bit more of an even match. At least the wild animal had a fighting chance, knew better than to trust. Plus you only took what you needed. It was the way the Native American tribes hunted, and M always thought there was more honor in their methods. 

She pulled the wagon up to the barn and put the horses up before walking back towards the party. She couldn’t help but smile; the night before a cattle drive it was always like this, a big celebration, everyone knowing the coming months would be nothing but long days, simple rations, and hard riding. She heard the screen door slam and looked up to see the lady of the ranch walking out with what looked to be a giant plate of cornbread. M felt her stomach do a backflip looking at the woman; reminding her of the first time she had seen Regina Mills. She was wearing a brilliant royal blue bustle dress with a silver trim. Her long hair looking the color of black coffee in the late afternoon light was mostly piled on top of her head, except for various strands that hung down around her face and rested on her neck. The woman had taken the time to curl those and paint her face and she looked stunning.

“M, what are you doin’? Come join the party,” August said, and M turned to see him smiling at her, one eyebrow raised. 

M realized she’d been standing halfway between the stable and where the tables were set out in a daze. She turned back towards Regina as she started towards the tables again to see if the woman had noticed, and she met Regina’s gaze. The woman had a shy smile on her face that M knew could in no way possible be for her, yet she smiled back nonetheless. The woman had reached the head of the largest table, where Leo Mills was sitting, with a large cigar in one hand. She set the platter down in front of him and as soon as she had, the man grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap smiling and whispering into her ear. M continued to watch the interaction doing her best to do so subtly as she sat down next to August who passed her his flask and started slopping food onto a plate for her. 

M watched Regina stiffen at the man’s touch, one hand on the man’s large arm. Regina’s face had yet to fall short of completely captivating M since their first meeting; it was curious and somewhat unsettling watching it transform. There was only a moment when Regina looked unhappy and then she seemed to mask her emotions, coating her face with a smile. It wasn’t the smile M had seen in Regina’s kitchen though, or the devilish one she’d seen during their first encounter together. No, this smile was cold, never meeting her eyes. The man was continuing to whisper in her ear and M saw as Regina seemed to struggle with something before nodding and standing up. Then, it felt sudden; the dark haired woman found M’s eyes and lingered there as Leo stood up behind her. M could not hear anything but her own blood pounding in her ears as the woman’s gaze finally broke with her own. Regina took the cattle baron’s hand in her own and walked toward the house with Leo Mills following close behind. 

It was more than M could bear; she felt her stomach twist into a thousand tiny knots, her jaw clench, and breath turn shallow. She had no desire to listen to the snickering that was already starting up and down the table, nor did she want to hear the comments that would soon follow. She looked down, staring at the large bloody steak on her plate and stood up feeling disgusted.

“August, you take my share. I need to stretch my legs.”

“M you’ve been going all day, you just sat down,” August started.

“I want to take Shadow out for a ride, she’s been cooped up in the stable for a few days.”

“Well M she’ll have plenty of riding the next few months. C’mon take a break, enjoy yourself.”

M looked at the kind man knowing she could not and would not explain. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said squeezing his shoulder, “you boys enjoy your night.”

\-----------

Shadow could feel M’s tension and the horse seemed to respond. As soon as they got to the prairie she let out the reins and Shadow flew. They raced across the prairie headed nowhere in particular, the wind blowing M’s long hair back, her body hunched forward over the horse, hat pulled down forward almost to her eyes. It felt good to be out in the open again, just her and the horse. M contemplated not going back. She knew that meant no money but there was other work to find. Right now the thought of going back there, of seeing something that made her whole body ache that she could not have seemed more than she could abide. Granny’s story weighed on her mind as she thought of what Leo and Regina Mills were doing right now. She was able to push out the grating thought of Leo Mills above the woman, the two naked, when it elbowed its way into her conscience. What she could not push away was Regina Mills’ eyes from across the long table fixing her with a stare that seemed to crack open her chest and squeeze at the very organ that beat to keep her alive. M burned to know what the woman was thinking, what she had been trying to say, if the words were piling up behind Regina’s lips the same way they were building a mountain behind M’s own. She pushed Shadow harder, and they tore across the dusty flat land. 

M had not been paying attention to where she was going, but found herself at the northern field where she had brought the cattle in that first evening at the ranch to prove she was worthy to be on the crew. There was a large boulder and M hopped off Shadow and climbed to the top of the boulder sitting on the highest edge. She looked out onto the prairie, pulling out her tobacco and rolling a cigarette. She had no one to blame but herself for her feelings, and no business doing anything about them. Or do I? No, whatever it was that had happened, even if Regina Mills hated the man she lay with, it was a decision the woman had made for the safety of all her people and it was quite possible that if the woman chose to end that then it most likely meant war again. M respected her for doing what she did, though she hated the man for forcing the decision. Could she manage two months of taking orders from that same man, and his overindulged sons? She sighed before inhaling the cigarette smoke deeply, her mind wrestling with all that she knew, the history of the people around her.

She heard a rustling off to the right that sounded like small game. She got up, pulling her slingshot that she kept tucked into the back of her belt and without ever taking her eyes off where the noise came from she felt on the ground, finding a small rock. The hare came out of a small patch of weeds, its’ nose high in the air. M raised her slingshot, the rock in place, but as she did her boot slid a bit on some gravel causing some noise. The hare heard the movement and immediately took off across the prairie. M pulled back on the slingshot and aimed, exhaling and holding her breath before releasing the rock. The rock hit right on target, in the back of the hare’s head and the animal instantly dropped to the ground. M breathed again and smiled, a clean kill. M climbed down from the boulder and headed towards the hare. M would not eat any of Leo Mills’ meal tonight, she would provide for herself, as she always had. 

\----------

She took her time cleaning and dressing the hare. Normally she tried to use every part of the animal as the Apache hunters had taught her, but she knew she would be leaving the next day so she dropped off the innards with the herding dogs on her way back to her campsite. She stabled Shadow and then took the long way around to her campsite since the celebration was still very much alive, the men rather drunk M suspected and she had no desire to speak with anyone. She past by the men easily in the shadows of night, having learned quiet well how to avoid detection over the years. When she got under the familiar oak tree she built a small fire and pieced together a spit for the hare. Once she had the meat cooking she leaned back, finding the half a bottle of whiskey she had and took a long sip, savoring the way the strong spirit caused her mouth to water and lips to burn. The smell of the meat beginning to cook gave her a feeling of comfort. She’d not hunted since coming to Storybrooke and enjoyed the feeling of providing for herself. 

Her mind turned back to the one constant it seemed committed to revisiting over and over, and she wondered where the lady of the ranch was at this moment. M had been fairly sure she heard the barrel chested laugh of Leo Mills as she made her way to her camp, meaning he had come back out to drink with his crew. She clenched her jaw, determined to not think of the woman again, at least for tonight. In the morning they would head out for Abilene and after they’d finished the drive there, M could disappear into the wilderness again, and perhaps numb this maddening ache for good.

By the time the hare had finished cooking, the whiskey bottle was only a quarter full and M was feeling a bit more confident in her ability to forget Regina Mills, Ruby, Granny, and the rest of Storybrooke. She reached up and took the spit off the fire, letting the meat cool a bit before grabbing a leg and pulling it off. She took a bite and swore when the meat burned her lip.

“What kind of person gets handed a thick steak and turns it down to go hunt a stringy rabbit in the dessert?”

M knew the voice well, but she did not stand up this time, nor did she offer the woman a seat. She did not so much as glance at Regina Mills. M knew it was wrong, knew her anger was misplaced, knew she had no right to do any of this, that this was a battle of emotions she was waging in her head that Regina Mills was likely oblivious to in total. Knowing these things, did not, unfortunately, change her behavior. 

“I’ve found I have no appetite for sharing with Leo Mills,” M stated bluntly before tearing off another bite. 

Suddenly there was the feeling of another person very close to her as Regina Mills sat down on the bedroll. 

“Are you ready,” Regina asked, the woman maddeningly close.

“For what,” M did her best to sound disinterested, still refusing to acknowledge the woman with eye contact.

“The next two months?”

“Oh, that. Nothing to be ready for…that is, nothing I haven’t done plenty of times before.”

“Anything you aren’t ready for,” the tone in Regina’s voice suddenly deeper, apprehensive almost. 

M realized she’d tried to create as much distance between her and the other woman as possible, and Regina seemed determined to close the gap. It had to stop. She ignored the question and asked her own.

“Did you satisfy your husband this evening Mrs. Mills?”

M hated herself for asking it before she had even spoken the words. Hated the sharp intake in breath she heard to her left at the question. But it was only now, after this wedge had been hammered between them that M dared to look into the other woman’s eyes.

They were a clouded mixture of hurt and anger.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern,” the voice had hardened.

M smiled grimly, “it’s not, absolutely not,” and then after a pause, “did you need something ma’am? Is there a reason you’re here?”

“So it’s back to Mrs. Mills and ma’am is it,” the woman, who remained in the stunning blue dress, asked. The silence extended between them.

“I want some of that hare.”

It surprised M and she let out a small laugh before she knew what she was doing.

“What about those big juicy steaks,” M asked the woman as she took out her hunting knife and expertly carved off a small breast of the hare, handing it to the woman. 

Regina took the meat in her hands and smelled it before taking a large bite, chewing and letting out a sigh of satisfaction.

“It’s been many years since I’ve had hare, M. I use to eat it often when I was young and I don’t know why but I miss it sometimes.”

“Granny told me about you, about how you came to be here, to be living this life,” it was out before M could even think of the consequence.

“Why did she tell you?”

It was not the response M had expected, “I wanted to know.”

“What does it matter to you,” Regina asked, taking another bite.

“Do you love him,” the question hung in the air between them. M cursed herself; where was her resolve, her self-control. Where was the check on her emotions that she was so adept at employing when it benefited her? She grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a swig as the silence stretched out between them.

Regina scoffed after a minute, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and finishing it in one long pull before speaking again.

“I think my question still applies. What does it matter to you?”

“Just does,” M replied, kicking herself for sounding like a sullen child.

“You have me at a disadvantage you know? You now know so much about me and I don’t even know your first name,” Regina stated, and suddenly that look in her eyes from earlier had returned.

“I have no tales of valor to match yours Ms. Mills,” M shrugged modestly.

“I doubt that.”

“I never had a family to protect. I grew up in an orphanage back east, Philadelphia. As soon as I could I ran, and headed west. There is nothing back east but too little space for too many people and a life scraping by, breathing in the residue of coal. I hopped the first caravan I could find headed west and the rest is history,” the words tumbled from M’s mouth. It was more than she had said about her past to anyone in all the years she had been on the prairie. 

“Somehow, I imagine there is a bit more than that,” Regina said but her tone was different now, sated almost.

There was another lengthy pause between them. The campfire had burned low, nothing but red embers glowing against the darkness around them. The rest of the hare was laid on one of the rocks near the fire, and the boisterous voices of the crew and the Mills’ men could still be heard off in the distance. M wished she had more whiskey but since there was none she settled for a cigarette, pulling her tobacco out and rolling two quickly. She lit them both and held one out to the other woman, who took it, the strange amalgamation of comfort and torment constant between them. M leaned back on her elbows and stared at the vast western night sky.

“Will you be coming back?”

The question wedged it self down between the two women, refusing to budge.

“What does it matter to you,” M mimicked the words the other woman had voiced minutes before.

“Just does,” Regina shot back.

“And if I came back? Would it make you happy? Would it make you sad?”

M stood up and began to pace, unable to stand the close proximity any longer.

“You know what I’m not ready for, Regina? You looking at me. I never feel ready for that,” the words didn’t even feel like they came from her mouth. M felt as though they’d come straight from her chest, where Regina Mills had finally split it open hours before. 

“Both….happy and sad….but the worst would be not knowing. To have my stomach in a knot for the next two months wondering if I’d see you again,” Regina’s voice had dropped close to a whisper. M noticed the woman’s hair had come undone somewhat, telling its own story of the evening. 

“And if I do come back, then what? What will we do Regina? Where will we go? Are we even talking about the same thing?”

“I don’t know, M. I’m talking about the way my body burns for your touch whenever you are in my presence. Whenever I feel your eyes upon me. When you are close enough to touch me and I am waiting for a brush against you or you to glance my way like it’s the last glass of water on earth and I’m dying of thirst,” Regina had stood up, throwing the rest of her cigarette into the burning embers and staring at M like every weakness, every vulnerability was now a glistening gift for M to take as she pleased. 

“Regina, I am a woman and you are married, and…” M trailed off, knowing the woman before her knew the consequences better than anyone.

“I know. I suppose some of that should matter.” 

“I’ll be back. I’d be back even if you felt nothing. I’d be back even if you never wanted to speak to me again. I couldn’t stay away, dammit. It’s never felt like this,” M heard the words as they fell from her mouth and knew they’d been true all along, she’d known the answer all this time. 

“Never felt like what,” Regina had edged closer, and was looking at the blond haired woman like every word she spoke was a shooting star, a wish that Regina had dared not voice.

“Like nothing else matters, like I am about to endure two months of hell simply because I won’t be able to watch you go out and get water in the morning. Because there won’t be a chance that your eyes will pause on mine. I’ll be back, whatever it means for both of us. I could never stay away.”

M came forward and the two were painfully close, there bodies alive with the expectation of touch. 

“Please M, will you…kiss me? Will you,” Regina swallowed, the confident powerful woman now replaced by a woman tethered together only by trembling hope.

M reached out and grabbed the woman’s small waist, closing the space between them as though they were bound together. Regina tilted her head up, and her trembling gaze met the blond haired wanderer’s own yielding acceptance that a smart decision was miles beyond either of their grasp. M brought her lips near the other woman’s, the closeness bracing to both of them. M paused only a second before pressing her lips against the other woman’s to voice one, simple statement.

“My name is Emma. Emma Swan.”


End file.
